Ask Auntie Linda, Straight Talk From a Straight Shooter

Dear Auntie Linda, I have a dilemma.  My divorced, 34-year-old daughter, Gwen asked me to help move her and her three children to more than five hundred miles to California where she had taken a job as an apartment manager.  When we got to the address, Gwennie ‘fessed up that she was there to marry a 21 year old man she’d met online.  Of course, I was furious.  The man was shocked to find out about the three children.  I tried to talk Gwennie out of staying, but she was adamant.  Thank goodness, the children wanted no part of it and we left for home immediately.  Gwennie refused my calls for two weeks.  I got a call from her yesterday.  She is staying at a women’s shelter and wants me to send money for plane fare home.  I don’t have an extra dollar.  I would have to sell my car to raise plane fare and then I couldn’t get to work.  My thirteen-year-old granddaughter is looking after the two little ones since I can’t even afford a babysitter.  I wouldn’t be able to feed them without help from the foodbank and church.

Gwennie has always been a pathological liar.  I have no confidence that she is truthful now.  Am I wrong to refuse to help?  Worn out with Gwennie

Dear Worn out, Sounds like a good time for Gwennie to learn to manage for herself, especially since she is not believable.  If she is in a womens shelter, she should avail herself of their services.  You have your hands full caring for Gwennie’s children.  Your first responsibility is to them.  You might consider seeing if Children’s Service can offer you any financial help since their mother is out of the picture.  They may be eligible for benefits as dependent children.

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband’s sister Trudy is ten years older than I.  Neither she nor my mother-in-law has ever accepted me nor welcomed me to the family.  This year, Trudy gave me a sweater she claimed was hand-knitted for Christmas.  When I got home I found a manufacturer’s label in it.  She is self-righteous and critical of me, often snidely pointing out my inadequacies as a wife, mother, and housekeeper, saying, “This is how our family always does things.”  Should I mention that I found the label on the sweater?  It might shut her up.  My husband wants me to let it go in the name of peace, but I’d like her to know I know.  What should I do?  Snubbed

Dear Snubbed, Maybe you should wear it next time you see her and leave it where she can’t avoid seeing label.  Things like that happen sometimes when you are a little untidy.  Auntie Linda