Cousin Kat was tight as Dickβs hatband, or conservative as she called it.Β We learned early on stop by a grocery store before going to spend a few days at her home in the Blue Ridge Mountains.Β Our first visit, she knew weβd be arriving about dinner time.Β She insisted we wait and eat supper with her.Β We were surprised to find sheβd cooked a about a cereal bowl of full of beans, sliced a tomato or two and an onion, and cooked four chicken wings for herself and our family of four.Β βI donβt eat much,β she explained.Β βI donβt want to make a pig of myself.βΒ My fifteen-year-old son could have eaten everything on the table.Β Then she stirred eight teaspoons of sugar into her iced tea.Β About a half-inch of sugar settled in the bottom of the glass after she stirred.Β Apparently, the rules did not include sugar.
We went out for breakfast the next morning over Cousin Katβs objections.Β The kids were starving.Β It was buffet style, so Cousin Kat ate like a lumberjack, loading about six biscuits on her plate.Β She wrapped the leftover biscuits in her napkin, tucking them in her purse, topping it off with packets of jam, honey, sugar, and butter from the table to take home.Β βThey put these out here for us!β
Afterwards, we drove twenty-five miles into Independence, the nearest town, to the grocery store.Β Aunt Kat went straight for the reduced for quick sale bin where she loaded up a bag of battered fruit, several dented cans, some aged produce, and a taped up bag of flour.Β Then she cornered the unfortunate manager, a guy sheβd taught in Sunday School thirty years ago.Β He paled when he saw her, obviously battle-scarred.Β βMarty, how much do you want for this rotten fruit and bent cans?Β Something has leaked on this flour.βΒ
βHow βbout a dollar for the whole lot, Miss Kat?β he asked tentatively.
βNow, Marty.Β I donβt think you ought to charge me that much for this flour and this rotten fruit buzzinβ with fruit flies. I ainβt sure Iβm gonna be able to use βem.Β These peaches and bananas look pretty bad and ainβt nobody else gonna buy this flour.Β Youβre gonna have to mark βem down some more,β she countered.
He looked desperate.Β βHow much are they worth to you?β
βHow βbout a quarter?β Marty looked hopeful.
βWell, Iβll give you twenty cents, but Iβm coming back to see you if that flourβs bad,β she promised.
βTell you what.Β Donβt worry about paying.Β I donβt want to see you disappointed.βΒ Iβll bet he didnβt.
βOkay, but Iβd be willinβ to give you twenty cents.β
βThatβs alright, Miss Kat.Β Wouldnβt want to beat a good customer in a deal,β he finished gallantly.
I roasted a chicken, and cooked green beans, and mashed potatoes with gravy for supper that night.Β Weβd bought plenty of groceries, so getting enough wasnβt a problem.Β Cousin Kat pulled the biscuits from her purse and made a small fruit salad from her finds of the day.Β She ate heartily, since all those groceries were going to waste anyway.Β She canned the rest of the fruit with the honey and sugar from the restaurant.
We tortured our teenagers once by making them take a three-thousand mile roadtrip through several national parks. Β The main thing they mention now is that Bud wore those stretch nylon coach shorts and a couple of gay guys hit on him.
