Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
3. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall – Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
8. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ” Break Forth Into Joy.”
14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
“I Upped My Pledge ! – Up Yours!”
Ha,ha! These are fantastic! I can’t stop laughing.
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Me too!
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Hahaha, excellent.
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I loved it.
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These were all funny. My favorite was number three. 🙂
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I had to go back to look and laugh again.
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Reblogged this on TINA FRISCO and commented:
Linda Bethea passes along an appetizing feast of hilarious church humor. “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.” Hop over to her blog to read the other 29 🙂
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Thanks so much, Tina.
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I could barely finish reading through the laughter. 🙂
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Makes church more interesting.
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Definitely. 🙂
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I laughed aloud at these! Our bulletin was read “come enjoy the SCARED” music for the choir! The secretary did not find it funny-but I did! Thank you for a great post!
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I can’t take credit. I loved it.
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Reblogged this on Nutsrok.
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All of them are hilarious!
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Brilliant! 3 and 9 are my favourites, though they’re all excellent. Many thanks for the laughs!
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Sorry, I don’t follow . . .
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Responded to wrong post. Sorry.
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Uh oh, responded on wrong post.
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# 8 is just the best in a long line of good ones. As usual, thanks for the big laugh!
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So welcome.
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Brilliant. What a great way to start the week 🙂
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These are hilarious no matter how many times I see them. #5 is the best!!
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Excellent! Hilarious!
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so many of these cracked me up, some of the best ive seen!
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They got me, too!
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Love these 🙂 my favourite being 27 – thanks for sharing
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Thanks. Following you now.
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I’m smiling broadly right now!
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So glad you got a smile.
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I forwarded these to my mother-in-law (very active in her church) and she laughed so hard my father-in-law was worried she’d hurt something! She says thank you for making her day!
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She is more than welcome. Following you now.
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The tears are running down my cheeks. Almost busted a gut. But I must say # 27 was the biggest laugh of them all.:) Guess I can relate.
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So glad you enjoyed.
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How could something so funny sounds so wrong. Had me laughing on everyone of them. Love the up yours.😊
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Glad you enjoyed.
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Always! 😀
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hahaha Bloopers always get me laughing! 🙂
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Hard not to love them.
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Thanks so much.
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Love these.
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Thanks for letting me know.
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We all know how busy these church ladies are. Must have been short on time. 😀 😀 😀
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They have to be saints to put up with such monotonous work.
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These are hilarious, so much so, I couldn’t even pick a favorite. Although I am pretty partial to #5. Thanks for the multiple laughs!
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You are so welcome.
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This is too funny!
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They got me.
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They were great 😂
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Reblogged this on Spoons, Loons and Toons and commented:
I laughed so hard I needed to go for a lie down before coming back to reblog!
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Thanks so much!
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Reblogged this on lucinda E Clarke and commented:
We all need a good laugh.
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Those church ladies did us right!
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Reblogged this on Kate McClelland and commented:
Hahahahahahaha! I took a break from spring cleaning and clicked on this post . It’s the funniest thing I’ve read for a while. I actually laughed out loud. (stil giggling) Thanks for this :0D
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Surely more fun than cleaning!
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Reblogged this on Jeanne Owens, author and commented:
HAHAHAHA!!! These are great!
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Thanks for the Reblog.
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You’re welcome 🙂
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Linda Bethea is one of the funniest bloggers in our community and she does it again with this collection of Church Bulletin Bloopers.. do head over and take tissues. By the way.. it would be great if you comment and shared from Linda’s blog.. thanks
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Sally, you are such a good friend!
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Thank you for posting this. I laughed all the way through it! 🙂
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So glad you got a chuckle!
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
Hilarious.
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Thank you, thank you!
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Hilarious. Thanks for sharing. 😀 — Suzanne
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Reblogged this on Andrew Joyce.
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Thanks.
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HAHA! These are hilarious, Linda! 🙂
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Thanks, Judy.
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I posted these some time ago. I can’t pick a favorite. They are all a scream. Well back to my morning prayer “Our Father who farted in heaven…
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Now that’s a good one. Did your mama smack you?
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These faux pas’ remind me of an absolute classic doing the rounds on Facebook. It shows a photograph of a nameboard outside a school, also showing the following statement – we pride ourselves on our excellense. 🙂
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Thanks. Following you now.
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😉
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Some of these are really good! 🙂
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Yep! God bless church ladies!
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
PERFECT for a Sunday Guffaw 😀 😀 😀
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You are a good friend, Chris.
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Number 3 killed me! HAHAHAHA!
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Me too.
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Oh my gosh!! I was getting ready to go to sleep when I decided to do a little reading first… I laughed so hard I woke myself completely up. Hahaha!!!!
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I’ve seen these a few times, but they still make me laugh!
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They get me, too.
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Hilarious!
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Thanks for reading.
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Reblogged this on Lucky Otter's Haven and commented:
This is just too funny!
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Thanks so much.
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I laughed and laughed. Thank you!
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Glad you got a chuckle.
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Sorry I messed up your nap!
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