Lissy, a tiny black-haired girl came to Vacation Bible School with her cousin Judy the summer I was ten. I immediately warmed to her, though she was so shy she’d only talk to her cousin. She and her mother had come to spend the summer with her Uncle Joe and his family. I didn’t see Lissy again until August when Mother spent a few days in the hospital delivering my youngest sister.
Lissy was Mother’s roommate. I was almost totally ignorant of anything to do with sex, having only accrued a bit of misinformation at that point, but I did catch on that there was a big secret about Lissy. I overheard Lissy’s mother talking to the doctor, “She wouldn’t start, and she wouldn’t start, but when she finally did, she wouldn’t stop.”
Lissy was crying and wouldn’t answer the doctor’s questions. I never saw her again.
Mother sent me out before I heard any more. I felt bad for Lissy, but was intrigued. Knowing I’d learn nothing more, I sequestered that information in my mind, hoping I’d understand later. Long after I was grown, I remembered to ask Mother about it. She remembered well. Little Lissy had suffered a miscarriage and was admitted with massive blood loss. She was only eleven.
I can’t imagine this. I was molested at 12 but I didn’t even know I had lost my virginity until later. I think I would have lost my mind if I’d found out I was pregnant. My little sister had a pregnancy scare and my dad “aborted” it by beating her with a belt. To this day she swears it was his even though he told my mum about hearing she’d been with older guys.
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Why would she lie?
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My dad beat my sister because she was very verbal and didn’t accept his molestation quietly, and did a lot of acting out to get herself out of our house-he manipulated me with gifts to obligate me into sex. He pretended sorrow with my mother and turned her against us. She had no reason to lie, absolutely none, but my dad scared my mom with images of being stared at and talked about by people and insisted my sister just wanted to run wild, that she was a known liar and exaggerator, trying to get him in trouble because she had rebellion troubles, and my mum wouldn’t be able to keep us all in line without him. Shaking my head.
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He was a master. How is your sister today?
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In jail. 4 years. She got involved in physically and emotionally abusive relationships and had 4 kids and lost all of them. She will get custody when she gets out. And yes, my dad is a bastard. A sick repeat offender now that will not be allowed around my kids. My mom I’m still thinking on.
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Sorry about your sister’s trauma. Your mom sounds like a mess.
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A child physical abuse survivor. She doesn’t know how to express love and guilt and sorrow except by giving us stuff, and threatening to turn her back on us if we “upset her over that mess.” I can relate to abuse, ha ha, so I’m trying to take it easy on her, otherwise she’d be cut out too. I tried to get her alone to tell her that my dad was harassing and molesting me again but she was so busy trying to control the conversation and my temper that I never got to. I intend to though so she knows I want nothing to do with him anymore and it’s out of the question.
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Is this still a problem with him?
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If you mean, Is my father still trying to get into my pants, if I would let him, even now at 29, yes, it IS still a problem, lbeth. That’s why I yanked myself and my kids out of the house and moved to a shelter. I’m just glad a place was open or I’d still be there.
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Thank God you got out. Save yourself and the kids!
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Yes. Ma’am, when I think of him, the disgust and pity are so overpowering I don’t know how to stand it. I just ran.
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Stay away from him and your mother. They are both evil.
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Please explain why you don’t believe “evil” is too strong a word, if you will…? You see, they have plenty of excuses as to why they should be excused, but literally none when I tried to explain why they were such sick people and why I didn’t deserve to be the one conditioned to have a relationship with THEM, as if it were some type of honor they were bestowing on me when in reality I just want to forget them.
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It is a parents sacred duty to nurture and protect a child. Having sex with a child or promoting sex with a child or not protecting a child from a person who is having sex with a child is an evil act. There is no defense for that. Do you not understand that you have been betrayed by both parents?
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I do very much, my intelligence won’t allow for ignorance, whether it’s in my best interests for my continued relationship with them or not. Please understand that my parents are clergy and have raised me to believe that everyone falls short, but that doesn’t make them evil, and they definitely would not have had me believe anything else. This is where I need serious help unraveling the lies and why I chose a blog.
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There is a vast difference in “falling short”and sexually abusing your own child then manipulating that child. Clergy should expect to be held to a higher standard. Sexual abuse is a crime. Your parents should be held responsible.
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I have to agree with you there. I struggle to believe that I can pull away from my parents and still live a life that won’t violate some scripture in the Bible.
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Don’t forget the verse about better to have a millstone around your neck than harm a child.
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You’re right. My parents seem to be sucking up their share of prosperity and mine. I can’t stand the bitterness in me, there must be a better life.
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There is a better way to live.
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If I can get past my dad’s sad, woeful voice trying to keep me close by (for his own obviously selfish reasons), I can live in it. I’m right here in the middle of help still paralyzed
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Don’t know what to say to help you.look to the kids. Do you want them victimized? It would. Be you and your mother all over.
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Like hell lol That’s one sob story he’s played out on me I’m getting help It’s only been about a week I’ve been here so I shouldn’t expect to heal 18 years worth of abuse that quickly But I’d rather do it here
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Best wishes.
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Thank you so much! Your words were so strong, I made a breakthrough. Nothing pisses me off like watching myself puke and moan to people, and conversations like these make me praise God for patient people like yourself. Thank you for every word you sent me, the darkness is banished. It will be back, but it is beaten today, and that is enough for now.
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Be strong.
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Today is all you have. Yesterday is done. Tomorrow is not promised.
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Good for you.
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Thank you for your sympathy. My nerves are exhausted after nightmares of killing my father last night.
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That is a nightmare. God help you.
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(chuckling.) I made it through again, though, ma’am.
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So sad xx
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Terribly sad. Don’t know if you remember Jaycee Duggard-kidnapped at 11 and held captive in a married man’s back yard for 18 years (she has a memoir out A Stolen Life). She had his baby at 11 (and two more after that.) So yes, 11 yr olds can have babies. Horrible thought… 😦
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I do remember. I hope her life is better now.
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Me too.
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What a tragic circumstance for a child of eleven.
When I was a kid in Charleston a 12 year old got pregnant and it was in the newspaper. My Father said that if that happened to a kid of his he’d kill her and the boy who did it.
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It happens more than anyone knows. It’s just accepted by so many as culturally normal. I think men who do that to children should go to trial. If it can be proven, they should no longer exist here on this planet.
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That’s terrible. When I taught school, a girl in the 6th grade got pregnant. At first, no one knew who the man was. Her teacher was scared to death someone might suspect him although he was one of the nicest and most dedicated teachers I’ve known and was married to another teacher. It turned out to be a neighbor , The mother was a widow and they were poor. The neighbor man was considered nice to help, but the other children in the family talked and the truth came out. The grandmother kept the child and raised it along with her other children. It’s always so sad. —– Suzanne
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That is tragic. Was the man prosecuted?
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So much horror in the world…and people the monsters who perpetrate it.
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Ouch, I didn’t see that coming – so sad.
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Oh WOW!
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Oh what a sad story. Pregnant at 11 then suffering a miscarriage as well, That poor girl,must have had a hell of a tough life.
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Heartbreaking and shocking, but way more common than we imagine. At that age, she might not have survived childbirth. Dear God.
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She was a small child. Probably less tha 90 pounds
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Sad story.
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So sad. Wonder how Lissy is doing today?
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Never saw her again.
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Very sad- but can a 11 year old girl get pregnant ? Imagine that !
Susie
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She sure did.
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I can’t like this Priceless. Though your telling of it is powerful. That child. I wonder about her now, I hope she is okay.
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I wonder,too. I hope something good happened for her.
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Me too.
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I thought about her last night and this morning. All I can think of is that little 11 year old child. No matter how old she is today….
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I’ll tell another story about her family later and link to this one.
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Thank you Beth. You have a great way of sharing.
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Thanks.
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So sad.
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Oh my gosh, that is just too sad for words!
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Oh. Pregnant at 11 . Poor girl.
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So sad.
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So sad on so many levels. I am glad you finally got your answers even though they were not good ones.
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Oh my word! Who could have done that to the poor girl?
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I wondered if it was her father since they’d left home.
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Hmm! Gosh, that just doesn’t bare thinking and would be such a shame really.
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