Aging gracefully, or Not

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'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

‘Push’n 50, but ya still got it!!’

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When I was a kid, there were a lot of things I wanted to ask old people, but didn’t have the nerve. I’ll post some of them, since I have some “old friends” who have answered some of them for me. If you have questions, send them in and I’ll try to get some answers for you, too.

1. Do old people still have sex? Sure, thanks to pharmacology, if they can find someone willing, able, and blind or demented enough.

2. Why do old people drive so slow and park crazy? Most of them are retired and it doesn’t matter how long it takes them to park. Just be glad they didn’t scrape your fender on the way in to that space. They may have neck and back pain and stiff joints.

3. Why do old people dress so crazy? Why do kids dress crazy? They want to.

4. Why do old men grow hair on their noses and ears and old women get whiskers? All the energy that used to go into head hair and perky breasts gets rerouted when hormones play out. God forbid science extends life expectancy too much. We’ll all look like androgynous Brillo pads and be deaf as a stone.

5. Why do old people have such big noses and ears? Some body parts never stop growing. Unfortunately, this is usually limited to noses and ears, not something more appreciable. This big-eared looked is greatly enhanced by baldness and frizzy hair. The nose gets bigger to hold glasses up.

If you have questions, address them in comments. I’ll address them for you.

Chicken Soup, Good for What Ails You

imageMother has a cold, so I have a pot of homemade chicken soup to take as soon as it gets done. Some of my warmest memories are of days I was sick enough to stay home from school and be coddled by Mother all day. The very best part was having her all to myself. I loved having her spread one of Grandma’s quilt over the sofa, putting a pillow at the end, and draping the warm quilt over me. If it was winter, she’d warm the quilt in front of the fire before wrapping me in it. It was heavenly. I loved her settling me on the sofa with a tray for meals. When she had time, she’d read to me. When she was busy, I enjoyed my books and toys on my own. I frequently called out for a delivery of fresh books or drink, till I’d worn out my “sick credit” with her. Best of all was the envy of the other kids when Mother reminded them, “Leave her alone. She is sick.”
A few times I was able to convince Mother I was sick when I wasn’t. One day, I waved at Phyllis getting on the bus and foolishly slipped out to play as soon as the bus ran. Mother hustled me down to the corner to catch the bus at the next stop. It wasn’t long till I had to produce fever or throw up to get the chance to miss school. I broke the thermometer once holding it near to fire to simulate a fever. All the got me was a warm bottom. Thermometers don’t grow on trees.

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup
One quart deboned chicken
One quart chicken broth
Large can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 to 1 ½ cup vegetables (today I tossed in diced turnips, potatoes, and carrots)
3 TBS parsley
2 cloves garlic or to tast
I large diced onion
3 TBS chives
2 TBS oregana
Salt to taste
Fresh ground pepper to taste
I use fresh herbs and vegetables but frozen will do
½ lb noodles, fresh, frozen, or dried. You may want more for thicker soup. Add with caution or it may get too thick and stick.
Simmer chicken, broth, herbs, vegetables, and cream of chicken soup. Reduce to simmer and add noodles, stirring constantly for at least 20 minutes. Sometimes I simmer much longer. Serve with crackers or cornbread and butter.