I think I’ve mentioned my cousin Corwin was interesting. He was still hauling his bottle around when he started school. His teacher made him leave it at home, so first thing after getting off the bus, he’d get his bottle out of the cabinet, fill it up, and enjoy it along with his after school snack. A hearty eater, he’d grab up a handful of Gravytrain Chunks out of the dog’s bowl as he headed out to play football with his big brothers. As a crawling baby, Corwin had started shoving the puppy out of his bowl and just kind of got hooked on Gravytrain. It added a interest to the game to see Corwin playing football with his baby bottle sticking out of his back pocket. One of his brothers or cousins invariably snatched his bottle and ran, passing it on to whichever kid was new to the game. The chase was on. Corwin carried a grudge to the bitter end and picked up a stick or rock and bash the bottle thief’s head in long after the game of “Keepaway” concluded. His older brothers felt this bit of info was on a “need to know” basis, so new kids had to find out the hard way.
When he was about five or six, Corwin decided it was funny to pee the space heater. He’d fall all over himself to beat his mama in the front door, drop his pants, and spray the open flame with a stinking deluge that spattered, steamed, and spewed up the whole house. As he sprayed from side to side, kids would be scattering to avoid the stream. Should he have any ammo left, bystanders got it. His mother made a token protest, followed by, “I don’t know what makes that boy act like that.” Daddy told my aunt he’d hooked an electric shock to the heater, so Corwin would be electrocuted. She believed Daddy, so made Corwin give it up. I was sorry it wasn’t true.
Corwin was horrible. We all hated him. To make a long story short, Corwin was so darned mean, nobody would have stuck up for him. About that time, Daddy brought in some goats. At any rate, when Corwin saw goat pills littering the yard, he thought, they were chocolate M&Ms and gobbled quite a few before he noticed the taste was off. My brother and I made sure he had all he wanted. Seemed like justice.
Oh my word! Corwin sounds like quite a character who needed straightening out.
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He was hideous.
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Thank you for making sure Corwin had goat pellets. I never met him. And even only reading decades later want him to have all of those he can eat too. 😉
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We saved them all for him.
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Oh my! That Corwin 😦
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LOL!!
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Oh, I remember Corwin. He’s the one your father failed miserably to tame, isn’t he? I’m so glad none of my cousins were as awful. It’s a lucky thing too because we didn’t have goats to help us get our revenge.
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I could loan you a cousin and goat.
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I’d take the goat. I don’t think I need the cousin. Sorry. 🙂
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Hard to tell them apart, sometimes!
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HaHA! That Corwin sounds an absolute nightmare! I am so glad that you managed to get one over on him! 🙂
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OMG! Is he still living?
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No. He died before he was forty. Probably cocaine-induced heart attack.
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It sounded like he needed help when he was a child, I couldn’t imagine what happened as an adult. I hope he is RIP.
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I do, too. He was totally undisciplined from birth. I believe he suffered from mental illness as well. It was a sad waste of a life.
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