Illustration by Kathleen Holdaway Swain
I entered the Land of Enchantment when I passed through that gate. Shrubs had entangled and obliterated the tangled yard fence. An amazement of possibilities greeted me. Hounds and a few chickens lounged on the drooping porch. A long-abandoned truck rested on blocks. Old tires, stacks of lumber, pots and pans, and broken toys littered the dirt yard. The hounds had dug dozens of holes, which the kids had expanded. A few wild children were whooping with joy, slinging missiles of Chinaberries at each other. I never wanted to leave. Mrs. Awful disappeared into the house while we set about entertaining ourselves, a perfect system.
At four, I was not concerned about social order, so I made my way to the doorless truck, shoving a hound off the battered seat so I could drive, my first opportunity to get behind a wheel. I stood behind that wheel, turning it madly, till I was shoved over by a late-comer. I wasn’t particularly disturbed, I knew bigger kids got the first crack at stuff, so I didn’t waste time whining, just kept shoving till they moved on. I did hurl a broken toy car as they ambled off, but they didn’t bother to come back after me.
All around me, unsupervised kids were running wild, screaming, shoving, running over smaller kids, and just having a wonderful time in general. Fortunately, there was a wide age-range of kids, so I was able to get in on the fun. Eventually, Mrs. Awful made it out with birthday cake, serving it up to us on napkins. She didn’t linger long, quickly returning to her soap opera. We heard the organ music pouring out the window. For some reason, she left her toddler, Becky, among us as she returned to her soaps.
Unlike a couple of the little girls, I had no interest in playing Mama, particularly since Becky’s diaper appeared fully loaded. I had a baby brother and grasped the significance of that drooping diaper. Within minutes, Becky’s secret was out. Kids ran screaming as she approached, like she was “It” in a mad game of chase. Several tumbles in the dirt did little to clean her up. Even though she was a baby, Becky understood and protested the shunning. She stood bravely squalling in the midst of the melee. Even that didn’t bring her mother to the rescue. Jamey took mercy and turned the water hose on her, hoping to sanitize her and make her more socially acceptable as he stripped her of her diaper. To the universal delight of the party-goers, his enterprising brother grabbed the hose sprayed the general crowd, including dogs and chickens. Should you ever want to plan a good party, be sure to put a water hose first on your list? We joyously ripped through the spray, fighting for control of the hose. Our game was cut short by Mrs. Awful hurling curses at us. If only we had not sprayed water on the television through the open window, our fun could have lasted longer. She scooped naked Becky up and exiled us to the barnyard. Fortunately, the barnyard was promising.
You paint a phenomenal picture. The “Brown’s” next door were like that for me. They seemed pretty neglected to us but in the end I discovered they were far more loved than we ever were even though we were sparkling clean.
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Their parents were probably easy come, easy go.
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They were. Mrs. Brown is the one who did me the marvelous favor of pointing out how my parents punished out of anger not for the deed. I never forgot that and made sure I disciplined for the deed not out of anger. Made me a better parent.
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A time or two an adult spoke objectively to me about that and I was so grateful.
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The barnyard sounds like it’d be more fun anyway! 🙂
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It was!
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Oops! Poor little toddler. I can understand everyone’s reaction, though. I’ve had to change my share of diapers before, so I’m not in the least surprised to hear the kids were not falling over themselves to help. 😀
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Yeah. Little guy had a hard time making friends.
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How awfully fun! Was their surname really Awful ?! Seems awe-fully appropriate 🙂
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No, it was Offut, but I misunderstood.
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As kids do! It sounds like it was a perfect misunderstanding 🙂
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A party that provided cake and the best entertainment – what more could a kid ask for! AND there’s more! Yes!!!
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Working on it now.
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what a picture you paint of a ruckus! A kids’ paradise-I am sure this is true. Haha!
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Heaven!
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HAHA! Sounds like kid heaven that party!
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Never been to a better one or got in more trouble.
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HAHA! Sounds great! 🙂
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Ha ha ha. No wonder Mrs. Awful went back to her soap and came out when her TV was squirted. Great fun for the kids, though. Oh, my! :-Pp 😛
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She was smart.
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😀 :-D:-D Love your ready response.
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I always did have a smart mouth.
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It’s funny but tragic too !
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I really liked those kids.
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I bet you did 🙂 I wonder how they turned out 🌹
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About like most families.
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Kid heaven with a touch of Hell.
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For sure!
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Sounds like a great party to me Linda. Reminds me of my yellow dress with the white pinafore.
Loved it. ☺☺☺
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Did you destroy it?
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Reblogged this on The Writers Desk and commented:
Another hilarious story from Linda Bethea.
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Thank you.
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How do you remember every sordid detail ?
You need to write a book about the Awfuls ?
Susie
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I have an incredible memory. Also, my mother has complained once or twice.
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I had neighbors like this. Heck we were all a little on the awful side. But I kept snakes not chickens. I kept them lined up in little bottles in my front hallway. That is until my father knocked them over on the way into work one morning and the snakes got into our kitchen…
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Now that sounds like a tale worth telling!
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Well I didn’t get to keep snakes any more.
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Mean mama!
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LOL! I could picture it all perfectly!
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Wouldn’t it make a great movie?
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Yes, it really would!
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I now understand why your dress was never the same. 😀 — Suzanne
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IT gets worse
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