Dear Auntie Linda,
My husband and I have been married fourteen years. We have been trying to have a child for ten. We recently went through a rough patch and separated for a few months. I was intimate with an old friend during that period. My husband and I reconciled and I realized I was pregnant, afterwards. Either man could be the father. My husband knows the whole story and wants the baby, either way. This may be our only chance to have a child. The other man is divorced and recently lost his only child, so it is not unlikely he will suspect the child could be his and want paternal rights. Both sets of grandparents are ecstatic about the baby, though of course, they don’t know the whole story. I don’t want this child to be hurt. My husband’s parents would not welcome a child not of their blood. How do I handle this? Worried Mama
Dear Worried, If you and your husband are in agreement, that is what matters. With the possibility of custody questions looming, I would be proactive and do DNA testing at birth and talk to a lawyer pending results. Many families have to share custody. As far as the grandparents, I can’t see how it would help them to have extra time to worry. Good luck.
Auntie Linda, My sister is a serial marrier. She is thirty-eight and has been married four times and had numerous relationships and children with two exes. She has a well-established pattern. While in a relationship, she meets the love of her life, and begins clandestine affair, while raging and abusing the current guy, before moving on to next relationships. All of her husbands have been good guys but I have become reluctant to become close to her current husband since he probably won’t be around long. She is already becoming critical of him, meaning he will soon be history. In other relationships, she has maintained contact with “friends” during her marriage, becoming increasingly involved as her relationship or marriage falls apart. Recently, her husband asked to speak to me about their marriage. I’d rather not get into her behaviors or history. It is awkward for her children and the rest of our family to have to deal with her ever-changing partners. Over the years, we’ve had so many come and go it’s odd to see who is in holiday pictures. How does family maintain relationships without getting dragged into multiple relationships? Tired of love
Dear Tired, You needn’t feel any responsibility beyond common courtesy. It’s not your job to defend or explain your sister. People should go into relationships with their eyes wide open, understanding people with a history of many broken marriages and relationships are not a good risk. That’s a lot of baggage. You might just as hubby #4 if he can count and wish him luck.
Cora put bacon and eggs in front of Charles at the kitchen table. As she refilled his coffee, he said, “Sit with me a minute, Cora.” She wiped her hands on her apron and poured herself a cup of coffee. “Have you seen you seen Ellen’s hair? She looks deranged. I told her last night she has to get it back to normal before anyone sees it. She threw one of her fits and had be sedated. I just gave her another dose so she should be quiet today. Can you keep an eye on her?”
“Dr. Charles, her hair was a mess at her tea yesterday. I was shocked when she come down the stairs makin’ a big entrance. A couple of women giggled before that fool Sarah got everbody to clappin’ to cover up the laughing. Miss Ellen was so proud of herself, she might not a took it all in. Miss Geneva was right at her side and give out some looks that kinda shut them hateful women down. I spect everbody in town knows ’bout that red hair. I shore hate it. I’d a tried to let you or Miss Geneva know if I’d a knowed ’bout her hair.”
Charles was stricken when he realized how far things had gone. “No wonder she went wild when the boys and I burst out laughing at dinner last night. It was such a shock! She really has gone around the bend again, hasn’t she? I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t put her back in that hospital, but I certainly can’t have her around the girls. The way she fought me and the boys, she could kill them. She was fighting and even tried to bite while I was giving her an injection. What am I going to do? I can’t expect Miss Geneva to take care of my girls forever. She’s past seventy and they have a right to live in their own home. God help us all.”
“I just don’t know, Dr. Charles. We gonna have to call on the Good Lord. Don’t you have any doctor friends you can talk to? I’ll keep an eye on Miss Ellen for you, but you might want to take her car keys, just in case she takes a notion to go somewhere.” Cora suggested.
“That I will. Thanks for reminding me and for the talk. I’ll figure something out. That was a fine breakfast. Better stop by and see the girls.” He took Ellen’s keys off the hook as he left.
“Poor, poor man.” Cora said. ” Money sho ain’t everthang.”