It Couldn’t Be Helped Part 8

This happened not too long after she came home with the extra twenty dollar bill, claiming she messed up making change in the offering plate.  I’d never have known if she hadn’t been talking to me on the phone as she changed clothes after church, questioning herself, “Now where’s my bra?”  She finally decided she must have forgotten to wear one.  Is that any better?  At her age, imagine trying to incite all those poor men to “lust after her in their hearts” when all they were doing was trying to worship.  Not satisfied with the previous commandments she’d broken by stealing from the offering plate, getting caught paying her tithe with a money order from  “Mr. Thrifty” liquor store.  She appeared to be bearing false witness by claiming to be a teetotaler. It looks likes she’s knocking out two more or she wouldn’t have lost that bra at church. Technically, she may not have committed adultery, since she’s a widow, but it’s fairly likely she was coveting her neighbor’s husband or her neighbor’s husband’s ass, since she came gallivanting home a little short on underwear.  I can promise you, she wouldn’t have bought that ridiculous story “I guess I forgot to wear one,” when I was a teenager! I don’t think she’s going to be satisfied till she manages to break them all, at church no less!

If this weren’t bad enough, one afternoon she called me demanding I go to her house, get her extra car key, and bring it to her at Thrifty Liquor, where she claimed to have been paying her utility bills.  She sure hangs out there a lot for someone who claims not to drink.  My sister Phyllis and her pre-teen daughter came by about then.  I got them to ride along in the hope that she’d be embarrassed into giving up Thrifty Liquor.  I don’t know if she did, but she hasn’t gotten caught there again.

Note:  I have no doubt she forgot her bra!  Just couldn’t pass up this opportunity to tease!

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