Doggonit, Give Me Some Directions that Make Sense

            I’m not good with directions.  In fact, I’d have to improve considerably to even be bad.  Useless terms like left, right, North, South, East, and West annoy me.  If people actually expect me to get somewhere, they need to be more specific.  “Turn off the interstate at exit 5.  Go the opposite direction you’ve been going and go three streets past Brookshire’s.   Drive just a minute or so and you’ll see a restaurant with the big cow in the parking lot.  Don’t turn there.  Drive to the next red light and turn on the street that turns between the WaWa and that hardware store with the inflatable lumberjack.  Watch for the ugly house with the silk flowers in the bucket of that tacky wishing well.  Pass it up, but now you need to start driving pretty slow.  You’ll see a big, old white house with a deep porch and all those ferns, kind of like the one Grandma lived in at Houston, the one where the woman living upstairs tossed her dirty mop water out on my head when I was sitting on the sidewalk playing. Boy, did Grandma have something to say to her!  Remember, it was just across the street from that big, old funeral home.   I just love those old houses, but I’ll bet they are expensive to heat.  About six houses down on the other side, there’s a little, blue house. I believe it used to be gray. If you look hard, you’ll see an old rusted out 1950 GMC like Aunt Ada and Uncle Junior used to drive, up on blocks way off to the side of the shed.  Remember how they used to toodle around with all those mean boys bouncing like popcorn in the back?  Anyway, our house is the yellow one with the big shade trees just across from it.  You can’t miss it. There’s a bottle tree out front.”

            Now I can’t miss with those directions.

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22 thoughts on “Doggonit, Give Me Some Directions that Make Sense

  1. I could never find if someone gave me directions like that. I am too focused on the road to be able to see all the stuff pointed out! Thankfully, I have GPS and a natural sense of direction for when it is unavailable. My fiance is more like you in that way. A funny thing about her, is that whenever we come up to a left turn where there is ore than one turning lane, you can’t tell her to take the inside or outside left turn lane, or the right left or far left because she panics and gets flustered. So now it is pointing at the lane from the passenger seat while saying this lane or that lane.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You sound a lot like me! I have been called, “directionally challenged.” I get lost in the same mall every time I go. Workers in the Food Court know me and all give me the same pitiful look. I still have to ask them where the restroom is even though it’s just around the corner somewhere. My wife is the opposite. She’s a live compass. I have to take her with me everywhere I go. No GPS needed.

    BTW I want that rusty GMC!

    Like

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