Joke of the Day

Nutsrok

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one.” The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset?” So, the man begins his tale. “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, “Wow, this has never happened before.” You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like…

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Joke

Joe told  his doctor that he wasn’t able to get as much done around the house as he used to. When the examination was complete, he said: “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell the wife.”

 

 

What do you call a woman who works as hard as a man?

Lazy.

 

 

 

Why don’t men do laundry?

Cause the washer and dryer don’t run with a remote.

The Curse

I can’t sit still.  I blame my parents.  On top of Nature, they sandbagged me with Nurture.  They inflicted me with the inability to ignore what needs doing.  I hate it!  I grew up learning to  clean it up, use it up, and mend it as long as possible.  Just one time, I’d like to get up in the morning, decide it’s a lazy day, and then just lie around reading, petting the dog, or lying in the hammock, unconcerned about making the bed, vacuuming, cleaning the stove, or ironing.  Once I note a task that needs doing, it’s written in stone on my little bitty brain.

Yesterday, I woke feeling droopy.  Over coffee, I told Bud I thought I’d take the day off.  The house looked pretty tidy.  It would do fine.  Before I got started relaxing, I decided to strip the bed and wash the sheets.  As I passed through to the laundry, I noted tomatoes on the kitchen counter and remembered my plans to can chili.  Forgetting my lazy day plans, I got right to it, chopping onions and peppers.  I ended up with twelve quarts of chili before noon.  While the chili was in the canner, I vacuumed and scrubbed the bathroom.

As I remade the bed, I pulled out a quilt Buzzy had chewed a quarter-sized hole in.  He haddn’t done anything like that since he was a pup.  The quilt was several years old but too good to discard.  I felt compelled to patch.  I didn’t totally match, but I couldn’t forget about the hole till it was patched.  it would be so much easier to discard it, but I just can’t toss an old friend that can be salvaged.

Okay, so I blew my lazy day.  Last night, I noticed my stove needs scrubbing and my patio needs a cleaning.  Looks like I’m set for tomorrow.