Joke of the Day

A blonde was waiting for her bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn’t!

So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time a big burly man that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned to the would-be hero screeching at him “How dare you touch me!! I don’t even know who you are!”

At this, the big guy drawled, “Well ma’am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends!”

Foot In Mouth Disease

Warning:  inappropriate language, but a good object lesson for me.

Our holiday celebrations can include thirty to forty people, since we all feel free to invite in-laws, friends, and new-comers.  Everyone is welcome and made family.  The host usually provides meat and bread, with guests bringing side dishes, relish trays, salad or desserts.  If you are ever around, you will be included.  We are an affable crowd so when everybody’s arriving, it’s often hard to see or hear who you are greeting.

I was reminded of this to my humiliation one Christmas.  I was standing at the sink, prepping for dinner when a large group came in the back door.  It just looked like our usual group of relatives and friends, when I caught a partial view of a woman coming in on crutches.  Foolishly inferring it was one of my sisters, cousins, nieces, or sisters-in-law. Instead of the polite greeting socially acceptable normal people give, I blurted out.  “Well, hello! Who’s gimpy today?” I didn’t hesitate, jumping right into the worst thing, I could have said in a situation calling for sensitivity.  Thinking  I was teasing a close family member dealing with a temporary encumbrance did not excuse me. It was not a family member,  nor even anyone I knew.  The young lady was a guest.  I never knew if she heard me or not.  I sincerely hope not, but I was so mortified.  I apologized ineptly, explaining I mistook her for family.  It was one of the most embarrassing gaffes I have ever made.  Since then, I any offensive language language under any circumstance.  There is NO right time.