lbeth1950https://nutsrok.wordpress.comNow that I'm done with the bothersome business of workday world, I am free to pursue my passion, capturing the stories I've loved all my life. The ones you'll read on my blog are good old Southern stories, a real pleasure to relay. Here in the South, we are proud of our wacky folks. I've preyed shamelessly on my family, living and dead, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances, often changing the names to protect the innocent and not so innocent. My mother illustrates my blog. I come from a rollicking family of nuts, hence the name of the blog Nutsrok Enjoy.
A pirate ship appears on the horizon. The captain says “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate fetches the shirt and the captain successfully leads an attack on the pirates and sinks their ship.
One of the sailors asked the captain “Why do you wear a red shirt in battle?” The He responded “because if I am wounded, you will not see blood and will continue to fight as if nothing is wrong.” The crew was astounded at his bravery.
Later, twenty pirate ships appeared on the horizon. The men looked to their captain, waiting for the request that brought everyone so much strength. The captain looked at the horizon and said, “Men, bring me my brown pants!”
I love canning. It is so satisfying to have a well-stocked pantry. Canned food is the original fast food, but so much better than takeout. I can have a meal on the table in twenty minutes by opening a jar of canned beans or canned beef stew and putting a pan of cornbread in the oven. It’s especially good if you add a quick salad or cottage cheese.
I can everything fresh I can get in season, tomatoes, corn, berries, and fresh fruit. My pantry shelves groan under pickles,jams, and jellies. When the summer growing season is over, I cook and can dry beans and soups. Home canned dry beans are delicious and much cheaper than bought canned beans from the store.
Canning soups is such a savings and convenience. I can homemade chili, home made beef stew, and bean soups. As I write this post, I am canning split pea soup. It will be delicious with hot cornbread on a cold day.
When canning soup it is very important to remember you must not use flour, pasta, or dairy products in your soups. There is no way to effectively ensure you have killed botulism in these products so NO canning noodle, dumplings, or cream soups. I I have any doubts about a product, I consult the internet.
My mother, Kathleen, has suffered from Royalty Envy her entire life. First of all, Princess Elizabeth was born two years ahead of Kathleen, giving her an unfair advantage. Seeing Princess Elizabeth featured in magazines and newsreels in gorgeous dresses surrounded by her retinue fascinated and frustrated her. Clearly the young royal had done no more than she to deserve this sumptuous life. To add insult to injury, Princess Elizabeth had beautifully curled hair. Kathleen suspected it was a much coveted permanent wave.
One or two fortunate girls of Kathleen’s acquaintance prissed about haughtily showing off their permanent waves. Kathleen knew every penny in her household had a purpose, so it never occurred to her to mention her yearning for a permanent wave. Periodically, her older sister curled her hair with rag curlers, but those curls paled beside the beauty of a permanent wave. Even worse, Princess Elizabeth’s hair might have been naturally curly. What cruel accident of birth would bestow curly hair upon a royal child and condemn Kathleen, a tow-headed, child of American The Great Depression, to struggle through at least ninety-four years of lanky, string-straight locks.
Kathleen avidly poured over any mention of Princess Elizabeth in newsreels, news papers, and magazines, alternately admiring and envying the girl unaware of her existence. Every time she visited to outhouse, she read and reread a magazine article about the princesses, fully aware Princess Elizabeth wasn’t reading about her in her dainty water closet.
Kathleen excelled at the tiny school in Cuthand,Texas, sometimes helping her janitor father clean after school, aware that Princess Elizabeth was educated by governesses, later attending the finest private schools. While the princess attended soirees, Kathleen picked beans, fed chickens, and gathered eggs. There was definitely nothing privileged about her rural life.
As time passed, Kathleen had less time to devote to her rival who was now queen, though she noted with satisfaction her own children were more handsome and probably smarter. She was a bit critical of the queen’s style; too many pastels and over-large hats., though it seems she would have been pleased that something that obscured the queen’s curly hair.
Some things never change. I mentioned the other day the queen might be schmoozing with the heavenly hosts right now since she’d beaten Mother to Heaven. Mother remarked snidely, “You don’t know that for sure, do you?”
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”