Dear Auntie Linda,
My husband and I have been married fourteen years. We have been trying to have a child for ten. We recently went through a rough patch and separated for a few months. I was intimate with an old friend during that period. My husband and I reconciled and I realized I was pregnant, afterwards. Either man could be the father. My husband knows the whole story and wants the baby, either way. This may be our only chance to have a child. The other man is divorced and recently lost his only child, so it is not unlikely he will suspect the child could be his and want paternal rights. Both sets of grandparents are ecstatic about the baby, though of course, they don’t know the whole story. I don’t want this child to be hurt. My husband’s parents would not welcome a child not of their blood. How do I handle this? Worried Mama
Dear Worried, If you and your husband are in agreement, that is what matters. With the possibility of custody questions looming, I would be proactive and do DNA testing at birth and talk to a lawyer pending results. Many families have to share custody. As far as the grandparents, I can’t see how it would help them to have extra time to worry. Good luck.
Auntie Linda, My sister is a serial marrier. She is thirty-eight and has been married four times and had numerous relationships and children with two exes. She has a well-established pattern. While in a relationship, she meets the love of her life, and begins clandestine affair, while raging and abusing the current guy, before moving on to next relationships. All of her husbands have been good guys but I have become reluctant to become close to her current husband since he probably won’t be around long. She is already becoming critical of him, meaning he will soon be history. In other relationships, she has maintained contact with “friends” during her marriage, becoming increasingly involved as her relationship or marriage falls apart. Recently, her husband asked to speak to me about their marriage. I’d rather not get into her behaviors or history. It is awkward for her children and the rest of our family to have to deal with her ever-changing partners. Over the years, we’ve had so many come and go it’s odd to see who is in holiday pictures. How does family maintain relationships without getting dragged into multiple relationships? Tired of love
Dear Tired, You needn’t feel any responsibility beyond common courtesy. It’s not your job to defend or explain your sister. People should go into relationships with their eyes wide open, understanding people with a history of many broken marriages and relationships are not a good risk. That’s a lot of baggage. You might just as hubby #4 if he can count and wish him luck.