The Paper Plate Outrage

Eavesdropping on planes is one of life’s gifts. First of all, it costs nothing and could be considered a bonus that comes with your ticket. Most importantly, it is totally a guiltless indulgence, though some people might not appreciate it.

Today’s flight was packed. A gentleman seated behind us called a buddy and launched into his sad story as soon as he was seated, talking so loud the entire assemblage could hear.

“Man, I am so hungover and mad I can hardly think straight. I picked up a client for dinner and he wanted to drag a buddy along. I should have said no, but I was trying to be The Good Guy. They talked about his buddy’s divorce all through dinner. We didn’t get a bit of business done. I took them to a strip joint and it was all downhill. We all got drunk and I told him what I thought.

He paused for a bit,”No, I’m going straight to my office. I don’t want to see my wife. I blew up before I left. I came home for dinner and she dished my dinner up and banged it down on the counter. ‘Now, hold on,’ I said. ‘What happened to family dinners in the dining room?”

She got all huffy, moved my meal to the dining room table. Then she went back and started putting the kid’s dinners on paper plates.

“#|%^*!~. £#%~?{, I don’t want my kids growing up eating on paper plates like trash. I want them to remember eating in the dining room on real dishes. I don’t care if the dishwasher is broken. I’LL wash the ——ng dishes if that’s what it takes. I bought you a two million dollar house and I expect you to raise my kids right.”

Lengthy pause, then “I don’t even think I’ll go home. I think I’ll just call her tonight and tell her I’m done. She used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened.”

Just then the stewardess came by and told him to get off the phone so that was the end of the call. He did apologize saying, “I’m sorry, I’ve got such a hangover I’m not thinking straight.”

Don’t you know his wife was upset when she found out all she had to do was feed the kids on paper plates?


Waiting and Learning

imageI am waiting at the Social Security Office. I’ve been married more than forty-five years and am just now getting around to changing my name on my card. I hope this marriage works out. I’d hate to have to come back. The good thing about waiting is people-watching and listening.
The couple next to me got on a discussion over whether she’d be putting fat-back or bacon in the collards. She asserted,”I ain’t puttin’ no fat-back in my greens!” The guy was making up quite a fuss, but I think it will be bacon grease.
From another par, I found out Abby slipped off to school in leggings knowing better and Granny had to take her a pair of jeans, because Mama didn’t have the truck today.
Another couple discussed how sorry Jody was. She pulled a big hunk of Bobby’s hair out when he caught her with his cigarettes.
There are several left ahead of me. This is fascinating. I hope they don’t call me before I find out who the Baby-Daddy is.