Joe and his wife were working in their garden one day when looks over at Betty and says: “Your butt is really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his Betty was working and measured her bottom. “Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!” Betty chooses to ignore Joe. Later that night in bed, he is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. Betty answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”
Can’t Be Sure
Bob was driving home on a moonlit night. As he rounded the curve in the darkness on a quiet road, flashing lights, flares, and police officers came in view beside an overturned car. When he tried to pull over, the officer tried wave to wave him on.
“Move on, Buddy. No rubbernecking,” said the officer.
“But officer, that looks just like my my buddy Joe’s car.” answered Bob.
“”Oh yeah, “ said the officer. “
Then you might be able to help us out. We haven’t found an ID yet, but I have to warn you, the guy is dead. It’s actually worse than that. He’s decapitated. You need to think about it first. It might be too much for you.”
Bob was horrified, but didn’t want to look unmanly in front of the officers. “I can do this,” he thought.
Screwing up his courage, he replied. “I’m ready. Take me over.”
The officer led him a short distance away where a bloody body had been thrown from the car and piled into a tree. In the dark, some distance away lay a head. The officer asked, “ Is this your friend?”
Bob took a long look.”Well, that’s the way Joe had his hair cut.” Taking a closer look, he said, “and Joe’s got a gold tooth like that with a star in it, but I still can’t be sure.”
Picking up the head, he held it up in the moonlight to get a better look. “It sure looks like Joe, but I don’t remember him being this tall.”