Blonde jokes – Memories
From the memories of a blonde: The first minutes of pregnancy were just wonderful…
A blonde tells to another blonde:
– Do you know where the light from the kitchen goes when you turn it off?
The blonde takes another blonde to the fridge and says: HERE.
Stuck in elevator
Once two blondes and a brunette got stuck in the elevator.
One blonde starts to shout:
The other one:
A brunette brings in an advice:
– Girls, shout together, it will be louder.
The blondes shout:
– Together!!! Together!!!…
A blonde was raking the leaves and fell off the tree.
Question: Do you know what a blonde is waiting for at the socket?
Answer: for an e-mail.
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”
The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken.”
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?”
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
“So what did she say?” asks the friend.
The drunk responded, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather $h– in her pants.”
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away.
“Jonny, wait until we’ve said our prayer,” his mother reminded him.
“I don’t have to.” – the little boy replied.
“Of course you do.” – his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s at our house,” Johnny explained, “but this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.
“Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” – he asked a friend.
“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.”
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”