Tommy and Betsy lived just across from us when our son, John, was a baby. Β Betsy and I had coffee a couple of mornings a week, and theyβd been over for burgers a time or two. Β Tommy and Betsy always brought beer, but we didnβt think much of it. Β Their baby, Al, was a somber little guy who played quietly and never made a fuss. Β I was amazed to see Betsy could easily put him down on a blanket on the floor and heβd nod straight off. Β I babysat him a time or two while she ran an errand and hardly noticed he was there. Β After napping, heβd sit on his blanket and play quietly. Β When I put John down, heβd try to come over the crib rails, toss his toys or take them apart. Β Iβd have to check on him half a dozen times before he settled in. Β Al was a total amazement to me. Β He didnβt show a lot of personality, but he didnβt demand much.
Tommy and Betsy asked us to babysit while they went to a college football game. One Saturday evening. Β Theyβd be in as soon as it was over. Β Foolishly, we agreed, thinking we knew them pretty well. Β Boy, were we in for a surprise. Β Though Tommy and Betsy always brought beer to our barbecues, we didnβt intuit that they were gifted drinkers. Β We put Little Al down to bed about eight, no problem. Β Our baby was up to his usual hidings. Β We expected Tommy and Betsy by eleven, then twelve, then one a.m. Β They never showed. Β Thankfully, Al didnβt care. Β We went on to bed, wondering what in the world had happened. Β Little Aaliyah woke up happy. Β By ten oβclock, he was into Johnβs food, formula, and clothes. Β I was beginning to wonder if theyβd left the country when the hosts on the morning radio program launched into an amusing story about a drunken brawl at the football game the night before. Β It seems Β a tipsy woman thought another woman was flirting with her husband. Β Wife A , the tipsy one, responded by moving over to sit in the lap of husband B. Β Not surprisingly, Β Wife B was offended and pulled Wife A out of her hubbyβs lap. Β Wife A, the drunk one, had a point to make, and slapped the offended wife. Β Naturally, drunk husband A, came to the defense of his little tipper, grabbing the other manβs wife. Β The fight was on. Β The drunk couple was hauled to the slammer.
In the absence of Alβs parents, the story took on greater meaning. Β That had to be Tommy and Betsy. Β Eventually, the errant parents did show up to reclaim their son, probably after making bail. Β They were battered, smelled rank, and their clothes hung in tatters. Β Sure enough, theyβd been the brawlers. Β Fool me once, shame on you. Β Fool me twice, shame on me.