Misogynistic Cat

Patches was an appealing calico  kitten until you took her personality into account. She clearly had issues.  I have to admit, I never got her to a cat psychiatrist, so my diagnoses may not impress the more knowledgeable among  you.  At first, like any kitten, she was all teeth and claws as she frisked around.  My daughter was a sweet little girl, totally enamored of Patches.  That fickle feline  wouldn’t give her the time of day unless the child was opening cat food. Patches spit or hissed at me every time I got close.

Conversely, Patches couldn’t get enough of my son, even though he put forth nothing good.  He’d stick rolled tape to her feet and she’d come back for more.  He rubbed her fur the wrong way.  She loved it.  He never fed her.  My daughter would try to entice Patches to sleep with her.  Patches always struggled loose and sped into John’s room.  Should she be locked out, she yowled at the door till he let her in.

Patches might have been a Floozy in a previous life.  She loved Bud, too.  If John was not available, she’d cuddle up on Bud’s lap and purr like a washing machine.  I believe she also suffered from hallucinations.  From time to time, she’d be walking across the floor and seem to see something then panic wildly, before running to hide under a bed or sofa.  Other times, she’d wake from a dead sleep and run till she banged her head into the wall.  It was not uncommon for her to pursue an invisible mouse or yowl at nothing.  It never occurred to me me till now, but perhaps she was Seeing ghosts.

One night, John was gone, so Patches had to make do with Bud.   She hopped on him in bed,  moving several times, made a lot of biscuits, with her purring in overdrive the whole time.  It was impossible to go to sleep. Eventually, she settled down.  “Finally.  That’s a relief.” I said, “Maybe she finally went to sleep.”

In a muffled tone, Bud answered. “Yeah, well I’d feel a lot better if her butt hole wasn’t right over my nose.”

Smarty Kitty

Don’t ever watch infomercials when you’re bored and your wallet is handy.  Had a cold a few weeks ago, was flipping channels, and happened on a commercial for Smarty-Kitty, a product that will train a cat of any age to use the toilet.  I didn’t need Smarty-Kitty.  Squeaky, my ragdoll cat is five years old and up until I interfered with his life at that point, had never had an accident.  Well, naturally, I got busy and ordered Smarty-Kitty and the amazing “But wait” cat products that came along with it, postage and handling separate.  As soon as Smarty-Kitty arrived, I set it up as directed on a stool, in the bathroom near toilet, and Squeaky accommodated my craziness by using it, just like the commercial said he would.  We progressed in baby steps, as directed, moving it closer, finally, putting cat toilet directly on toilet seat.  Squeaky was okay with all this until I reached the point that I started cutting out circles when he would have been pooping directly into the toilet.  This was too much for him and he revolted and started pooping in bathtub.  I repented and put catbox back immediately, but he refuses to forgive me.  Since that time, any time I leave my bathroom door open, he poops in the bathtub, on a towel if he can find one, or on my bathroom rug.  He even got my sewing kit once. I have repented of buying Smarty-Kitty many times, but have yet to obtain Squeaky’s forgiveness.  I will never mess with a cat’s bathroom habits again.

Bird Dog

I was greeted by the desperate fluttering of a bird trapped in my fireplace this morning.  Shutting the doors to adjacent rooms, I went for a flashlight and dish towel before opening the fireplace doors.  Fortunately, he was blinded and clung fearfully to the bricks when I shone the light on him.  I was so relieved he easily disengaged from the wall when I grasped him with the dish towel.  My heart soared as he winged his way to freedom like so many others I’ve released from my chimney trap.  I was reminded of another bird experience.

Annie, our Dalmatian dog once alerted me to a bird on the fireplace.  That time it didn’t go so smoothly, since I hadn’t yet learned to shine the light on the bird to confuse it.  The bird escaped into the living room.  It took me a few attempts before I caught and released it.  During the melee, Annie bonded with the poor, terrified bird.  She clearly enjoyed seeing its return to safety.  Lest you think a lot of kind thoughts about Annie, I need to let you know, that’s the only non-despicable she ever did.  She was sweet about the bird.

The next day, I went to visit my sister.  Marilyn had just gotten a bird.  That poor bird must have thought it had gone to Hell.  Marilyn’s cat  had his hissing face pressed into the cage with his front paws clutching the cage in a death grip.  The traumatized bird had backed as far away  as the cage would allow.  Marilyn was tired of pulling the cat off the bird’s cage, so when she offered me the bird, I took it.  The weather was fine, so the bird stayed on the patio for the rest of our visit with the disappointed cat’s nose pressed against the glass the whole time.

Annie assumed ownership of the bird, greeting it every time she walked by and napping by its cage.  The bird enjoyed her company chattering merrily when Annie greeted it. They were friends for several years until the bird’s death.  It was a heartwarming friendship.

 

Best Cat Cartoons and Jokes of the Day

 

can opener1can opener2can opener 3can opener 5can opener 4Funny quotes about cat owners

  • “You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.”- George Mikes
  • “There are few things in life more heart warming than to be welcomed by a cat.” – Tay Hohoff
  • “The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you.”- Pam Brown
  • As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. – Ellen Perry Berkeley
  • “My husband said it was him or the cat…I miss him sometimes.” – Unknown

 

Read more: http://therealowner.com/humor/funny-quotes-about-cats-and-cat-owners/#ixzz3sSJa4CMV

Smarty Kitty/ In Honor of National Cat’s Day

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Don’t ever watch infomercials when you’re bored and your wallet is handy.  Had a cold a few weeks ago, was flipping channels, and happened on a commercial for Smarty-Kitty, a product that will train a cat of any age to use the toilet.  I didn’t need Smarty-Kitty.  Squeaky, my ragdoll cat is five years old and up until I interfered with his life at that point, had never had an accident.  Well, naturally, I got busy and ordered Smarty-Kitty and the Continue reading

Noah and His First Three Lives

Noah SweetNoah Meow

A month ago, a friend was putting her bags in her car on the way to the airport out of town for several days in the middle of a torrential rainstorm when she heard the pitiful meows of this tiny kitten.  The kitten’s eyes were barely open.  It had washed up from somewhere in the storm and lodged in tree roots near her house.  It was so tiny and looked so sick, she felt it had no chance of survival, but she sheltered it, wiped it up, wrapped it up in blankets, and put warm milk with a rag for it to suck, a dish of water, and some mushy dog food, hoping its mother would find it.  Already late, she meant to ask a friend to check on it.  Late the next morning of the next day, by the time she remembered, she was sick at heart, realizing there was no way that tiny kitten survived such brutal conditions.  She dreaded coming home, expecting to see its stiff, little body waiting where she left it.

She listened when she came in late from her flight home, hoping against hope she’d hear a tiny meow, though doubting it was possible.  Nothing.  The next day when she went out, this frisky guy came prancing up to her, having survived several days on the food and water she’d left.  Though she hadn’t planned to adopt a kitten, little Noah had earned his home, having survived the flood.  Since then Noah has survived two mishaps.  Though her dog Izzy loves Noah, Noah startled Izzy in her sleep, and got seriously snapped for her trouble.  It happened again about a week later, nearly knocking little Noah senseless for a few minutes, and cutting her eye.  Today Noah’s eye opened and she appears to have vision.  Izzy is now careful about Noah, apparently not forgetting about her anymore.

Things Cat Crap Taught Me

imageMakiing your bed is important, even if you’ve been a slob and left it till midnight.  A deranged cat may have left a nice gooey kitty surprise in the warm spot you abandoned this morning. You won’t like the way it feels as you slide your leg along it under the rumpled covers, I’m pretty sure.

Ralphie to the Rescue

imageWe had a pet rat once.  Doesn’t everybody?  Well, as often happened, A young man came calling upon my daughter.  As David was a pompous young man, full of himself, I was surprised my daughter had allowed him to visit. Continue reading