Hongry Little Billy

imageMother and Little Billy walked over to have coffee with Miss Alice many mornings after she got us on the school bus.  Of course he would have had breakfast before leaving the house with her.  One morning they got to Miss Alice’s before she’d had time to clear breakfast away.  A couple of strips of bacon and a few biscuits rested on a plate on the Continue reading

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Help! Help! Coffee Needed!

imageTerrifying incident this morning.  I couldn’t find my coffee pot.  Clearly, a sadist had broken in and robbed us, taking the most precious item in the house, cruelly leaving behind the coffee, the coffee maker, cream, and sugar.  I checked the dishwasher, refrigerator, sink, and pantry, before finally finding it in the cabinet where I store the cups.  By this time, my coffee was way overdue.  My heart still hasn’t settled down.

Aunt Vola, Love at First Sight (From Kathleen’s Memoir of The Great Depression)

Aunt VolaHungry one afternoon, I raced home ahead of John, hoping there might be a leftover biscuit and slice of salt pork or piece of cornbread left from dinner.   Opening the kitchen door, I was surprised to see Mama and a guest sitting at the table drinking coffee.  Mama had neighbors popping in all the time, but this guest had skin the color of deep chestnut.  Continue reading

Snoopy at Work

My nine-year-old daughter called me at work one weeknight asking permission to sleepover with a friend.  The question was a formality, since she knew the answer.  No week night sleepovers. I hadn’t met or spoken to parent.  A doctor was listening when I got message my daughter called.  He could only hear my end of conversation.  After her request for permission, I merely said, “No, her mother is a child molester and her father is a murderer.”  I hung up and went back to work.   “What the Hell was that?”  He asked.  “Oh, my daughter wanted to sleepover at the neighbor’s”. He spewed coffee on his chart

Super Pooper

We had guests  My husband and I were in the kitchen getting coffee and dessert when we heard the couple laughing loudly.  We hurried back in the living room  to find our ten year-old-son had decided to pull a stunt. On a dare, he’d come walking out in front of the guests clad only in his briefs and socks.  He was a big kid, way beyond the point  to expect this.

Shocked, his dad spouted, “”Boy, are you nuts?  Go get your clothes on!”

As he turned to go, he waddled.  The woman exclaimed “Oh my God!”  He had packed a gargantuan lump of Playdoh  (afterwards known as Play Dooky) in the back of his briefs.  It looked liked he’d been holding it for about a week.   Then he reached back and pulled it out to show us, like a prize.  If I’d been offered retro-active birth control, he’d have disappeared then and there.

Too Sweet

Joe was in the hospital with his jaws wired.  He was dying for a cup of coffee. He was so miserable the nurse finally offered to fixed him a coffee enema.

“How do you take your coffee?”

“Black with a little sugar.”

When she started the enema, he squirmed. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is It too hot?”

“No!  Too damned sweet!”