Tom Johnson and the Deputy

imageA lifetime of farming on the Kansas prairies had toughened old Tom Johnson up.  With eight hard-headed boys and three girls to raise, he didn’t put up with a lot of nonsense.  One morning, the boys decided, being winter, there was no need for them to get up at four-thirty in the morning to start work just because that’s what Dad always did.  They lay abed, thinking he couldn’t handle all of them if they stuck together.  Dad didn’t say anything, just set to getting them up.

A deputy sheriff had the misfortune to show up to deliver a summons for jury duty just as as eight Kansas farm boys between the age of ten and eighteen tore the front door down followed by Tom Johnson flailing the crowd with plow lines.  The poor guy was trampled, as well as flailed, trying to escape from the irate farmer intent on putting his boys back to work.  Returning to the safety of town, he told the sheriff,  “If you want that summons delivered, you’ll have to find someone else.  I’m not going back out to Tom Johnson’s place.”

Smart Alec and Speechless

imageA few years ago, we were traveling through a country area and turned the radio to a farm program.  A farmer called in to advertise peas for sale, giving his name and number.  A few minutes later, someone called back asking for the name and phone number of the farmer with the peas.  The DJ lit rudely into the caller, telling him he should have been ready with a pencil to write the number down as it was announced.  He didn’t have time to go digging through phone numbers just because people didn’t listen.

Not surprisingly, it made the caller furious.  “Well, you just go to Hell!” Click!

The DJ sputtered,  “Well,….well…It takes one to know one.”

Watch Out, Missy!

It was the old farmer’s first time in the hospital.  The split back gown was bad enough, but when the nurse had him roll on his side to get a rectal temperature, he squirmed and wiggled.

“Be still, Mr. Smith.  I’m trying to check your temperature!”

“Well, watch out what your doing, Missy!  You’re about to poke me right in the butt with that thing!”