Deal of a Lifetime

You’ve seen my posts about my one-hundred twenty-two pound Mastiff mix, Croc.   Just so you know, Croc does have a few faults, but he is a good eater.  I tried mixing kibble with a can of dog food to encourage Buzzy, my little dog to eat.  It’s not unusual for Buzzy to go a couple of days and not touch food.  When he finally gets hungry, he will run by and grab two or three kibbles.  The mix only enticed Buzzy for a day or two, though it did enable Croc to gain ten pounds in a couple of weeks.

All that eating pays off like a slot machine.  Croc regularly cranks out four major poops a day.  Bud does all our accounts.  Based on his calculations, Croc’s poops cost about a dollar each.  That’s one fancy dog.  Hopefully, it was a good economic move to cut him back to just kibble.

All that food creates a malodorous symphony.  Needless to say, Croc is not constrained by modesty and sounds like the tuba section in a brass band. The concert doesn’t seem to disturb him, but he has been known to get up and move when the odor is powerful enough to make his eyes water.  He appears to hold a grudge toward us if the aroma moves him along.  It’s not unusual for him to glare at us accusingly if he’s especially offended.

Annie’s Downfall

thEM55YA81 (2)My daughter once had a fat, farting, sullen Dalmatian named Annie who liked only two things in this world.  The kid across the street named Greg and anything with wheels:  riding mower, wagon, wheel barrow, cars…..We’d often look out and see Annie sitting on the seat of the riding mower.  Continue reading

The Case of the Mysterious Spotted Dog Murder

Our life with Annie, our surly, farting Dalmatian was complicated by her partner in crime, Greg, the ever-present kid from across the street.  I use ever-present in the strictest sense.  Greg’s mom worked nights.  In a casual relationship never addressed by any of us, Greg made a beeline to our house as soon as he got home every day, hit the pantry for a snack, and let Annie out of prison.  Greg was well known for investigating our premises, keeping himself abreast of what all that was going on at our house, while he dawdled about, picking things up, questioning, “What’s this?  When did you get this?”   We’d chat about his day.  Afterwards, he and Annie would go off on a ramble, since we lived in a rural neighborhood with many large wooded areas. They were a common sight, known all over the neighborhood.

At any rate, one afternoon he and Annie stumbled on a construction site, just as a human skull was unearthed.  Naturally, the ensuing hub bub was tremendous. With law enforcement and news crews arriving, Greg and Annie managed to be front and center, part of the big story. Greg was ecstatic, carrying the news all over the neighborhood, taking full credit for the entire situation.  Anxious to milk the situation for all it was worth, Greg made a hasty trip back to our house to retrieve a gag item of my daughter’s, a dummy arm and hand intended to hang from the trunk of a vehicle, giving the impression of a body is in the trunk.

Returning to the wooded area near the site of all the excitement, Greg tossed the “arm” to Annie, initiating her favorite game of “keepaway.”  Annie burst from the woods, arm in her mouth, ripping through the yellow crime scene tape.  Greg was right behind her, yelling his head off. It was like a scene out of a Monty Python movie. Annie, no novice, at being chased by shouting strangers, headed home, dragging the incriminating arm.  Winded, she scratched at the back door, still clinging to her prize.  Shortly, she was followed by Greg and a bevy of law enforcement officers, asking to see the arm.  She’d hidden in the bedroom, reluctant to part with such a desirable prize, but I brought it out for their examination.  I was so glad not to be Greg’s parent that day.

Oh, the skull turned out to be that of a Native American who’d probably died more than one hundred years before.

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/not-quite-the-proverbial-turd-in-the-punchbowl/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/21/pooping-with-brian/