Potty Mouth

 

Years ago Bud and I went to a car dealership.  For once, we had to wait awhile for a sales person.  Nearby, another couple was also waiting and naturally, we started talking.  After a few minutes, I misspoke, embarrassing myself thoroughly by announcing loud and clear, for all who cared to listen, ” I’m tired of standing here waiting.  I think I’ll just sh__t on the bumper”. Of course I’d meant to say “sit.”  Bud and the other couple stared, then they walked off.  I wanted to run after them explaining, but gave it up as hopeless.  God only knows what I might have said once I was rattled.

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Doo Doo Bossier

In college, I suppose I was just a bit slow to catch on when Bud and his cousin Freddie kept talking about a guy in one of their classes named “Doo Doo Bossier.”  I was always hearing, “Doo Doo did so and so.” or “Wait till you hear what Doo Doo did now!”

Must Not Have Been a Beautiful Baby

My mother’s good friend Betty brought her new baby to church for the first time.  Mother rushed over to her friend, all prepared to gush over the little guy.  Betty had him wrapped in a beautifully crocheted shawl.  Flipping back the blanket, she revealed the homeliest, poor little guy Mother had seen in quiet a while  Shocked, Mother stammered, trying to remember the compliment she’d had at the ready before seeing him.  “Oh, oh!  It’s a baby, isn’t it!”

Thou Shalt Not Thong

The pastor’s vocabulary could have used a little updating before he addressed his concerns that the young people were taking casual dress at morning services just a bit too far.  “I’ll bet half of the young ladies out there are wearing thongs this morning.”  Though he was thinking of the ” flip flop” shoes of his youth, not sexy underwear, he certainly had everyone’s attention.

World Championship Foot In Mouth Award

I am the World Champion at talking when I should have been listening.  More than thirty years ago, I had a dear friend in Nursing School who was valiantly struggling with morbidly obesity serious enough to interfere with ambulation and other life activities, not to mention the psychic and social pain she dealt with daily.  Working

You Never Know

Many years ago, I was on an hospital elevator with a minister I knew.  A somber man got on with us.  He looked straight ahead, deep in thought. Attempting to make conversation, the minister said, “Smile, it can’t be that bad.”

The man’s expression never changed.  In a low voice he remarked, “My son just died.”

The minister and I were both shocked.  As he stammered an apology, all three of us burst in to tears.  We hugged the man, offered shocked condolences, and offered to make phone calls for him.  The minister got off and went with him.

I’ve never forgotten, and suspect neither of them has either.  You just never know what a person is dealing with.