One of the great benefits of my parent’s cross-country camping trip was that they had the opportunity to share their cab-over camper for three weeks with two hormone-ridden teenage girls. For some reason, they’d taken leave of their senses and forced my sixteen-year-old sister Marilyn to accompany them, though she could have stayed with either me or Phyllis, either of whom were as married and dull as Mother and Daddy ever thought of being. They sweetened the pot by letting her friend Rhonda who became every bit as unpleasant as Marilyn after a few snug hours together.
In the way of teenagers everywhere, the girls snored snugly in their bunks all day as the camper passed the glorious sites of the Americas. As a result, both were wide-awake and ready to go when they stopped to make camp every evening. At an RV camp in Las Vegas, two young ladies who looked to have complicated social situations dawdled about the office as they checked in. Before, I go on with this story, you need to know, my dad was a no-nonsense “I ain’t worried if you like me. I’m your Daddy” kind of guy. He didn’t put up with any nonsense. He pointed out that RV Camp Girls looked trampy. Though Marilyn and Rhonda didn’t even talk to them, they got a nice lecture just in case they’d ever thought of dressing or acting “like them trashy gals,” a term he often used make a point and make his girls’ blood boil.
They made camp and cooked supper outdoors. About ten o’clock as their evening drew to a close Daddy told his disgusted girls it was about time to turn out the lights and settle in for the night. After a long day of napping, naturally, they dawdled. After a couple of warnings, just as the lights went out, there was a knock at the camper door. He opened it to find the two young lovelies they’d seen at the office earlier in the day. One of them was obviously pregnant below her brief halter-top.
“Can your girls go out for a while? We’ve got dates for them?” they asked, invitingly.
Behind him, Mother and the big-eyed girls waited for him to explode into a vitriolic diatribe at their request. Instead, he replied as calmly as if he had been at a tea-party and asked if he wanted “one lump or two.”
“Well, I guess not, but thanks for inviting them. We have to leave pretty early in the morning.”
Pigs flew and Hell froze over.