Ten Things to Never Say to Your Church Pianist

THAT SONG WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF IT, AGAIN?

YOU PLAY LIKE A MAN.

THANKS FOR YOUR OFFERTORY. IT GAVE ME JUST ENOUGH TIME TO READ THE CHURCH BULLETIN FROM COVER TO COVER.

YOU DID A GREAT JOB. DID YOU EVER TAKE PIANO LESSONS?

I WOULD GIVE MY LEFT ARM TO BE ABLE TO PLAY LIKE YOU.

THAT WAS THE BEST YOU’VE EVER PLAYED. I ONLY HEARD A FEW MISTAKES.

DID YOU SNEAK A PAUL MCCARTNEY TUNE IN YOUR PRELUDE?

HOW EXACTLY DID YOUR SONG SELECTION FIT WITH THE REST OF THE WORSHIP SERVICE?

I’M DIZZY AFTER HEARING YOU PLAY ALL THOSE NOTES!

YOU SOUNDED MUCH BETTER WHEN I TURNED OFF MY HEARING AIDS.

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Joke

Joe walked into a bar and saw a tiny little man sitting on the end of the bar playing his heart out on a perfectly scaled miniature grand  piano.  “Barkeeper, where did he come from?”

The barkeeper pointed toward a lamp sitting on the bar.  ” I rubbed this lamp.  A genii came out and gave him to me.”

“Let me give it a try!”  Joe rubbed the lamp and a genii appeared before him.

“What is your desire? You get one and only one wish”

Without hesitation, Joe asked for a million bucks.  The genii disappeared back into the lamp as the room filled with ducks.  They overflowed out into the street as far as the eye could see.

Horrified, Joe said, “What the Hell?  I said I wanted a million BUCKS, not a million ducks.  Is that genii deaf?”

“Yep,” replied the bartender.  “How else do you think I would have gotten stuck with this 12 inch pianist?”