Doggonit, Give Me Some Directions that Make Sense

Nutsrok

            I’m not good with directions.  In fact, I’d have to improve considerably to even be bad.  Useless terms like left, right, North, South, East, and West annoy me.  If people actually expect me to get somewhere, they need to be more specific.  “Turn off the interstate at exit 5.  Go the opposite direction you’ve been going and go three streets past Brookshire’s.   Drive just a minute or so and you’ll see a restaurant with the big cow in the parking lot.  Don’t turn there.  Drive to the next red light and turn on the street that turns between the WaWa and that hardware store with the inflatable lumberjack.  Watch for the ugly house with the silk flowers in the bucket of that tacky wishing well.  Pass it up, but now you need to start driving pretty slow.  You’ll see a big, old white house with a deep porch and…

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Joke of the Day

Nutsrok

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”…

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Gallery

DO NOT READ ME

Minnie Musings

If you opened this post, I am happy to announce you are human.

Congratulations.

Why is it that, when someone commands us NOT to do something, we are invariably tempted to do it anyway – even if we weren’t interested in doing it in the first place?

I am a law-abiding lady, but a terrible rule-breaker. Who can help it when people with whistles are telling you:

You can’t swim with a face mask in a public pool.

Don’t walk on the grass.

Don’t try to go through a yellow light.

Don’t walk across the street on red, even if there are no cars coming from either direction.

Don’t enter the subway as the doors are closing.

Don’t sit on that wall – it’s dangerous.

Is it that the rules are petty or that we feel bossed around and mildly insulted by the micro-managing of strangers?

Perhaps the most glaring…

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Time for Some Laffs – Blondes have more fun… I know from experience!

Smorgasbord - Variety is the spice of life

The beauty of being blonde and having a touch of the Irish is that there are many jokes you can tell without getting told off. As I am now well into my 60s I can also tell elderly jokes if I remember them.

I have rifled through my drawers (pardon the expression) an unearthed some jokes that have been sent to me.

Anyway… Have fun with this selection and pass them on as laughter is infectious and so much more healthier than the usual virus.

The connecting images have been kindly donated by the wonderful author Tina Frisco and details of how to buy her latest book is at the bottom of the post.

A natural Blonde!

A blonde in first class refuses to move when the ticket holder who paid for the seat boards, saying only, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to LA to be a star –…

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U.S. Blogging Event Details

Reblog. Get on board!

Life of an El Paso Woman

wp-1490197008047.jpgChicago Prime Italian

Hi everyone. First of all, I want to say thank you so much for your patience and support! I’m excited to say we finally have a location for the first U.S. Blogging Event! Please feel free to reblog and/or share on social media. Here it is below:

wp-1490198552232.jpgOur dinner and awards ceremony will be held at Chicago Prime Italian in Schaumburg, Illinois on Saturday Aug. 26, 2017 at 6 p.m. for three to four hours. Depending on traffic, Schaumburg is about 40 minutes away from Chicago using public transportation or a taxi. You may even be able to stay in Schaumburg. We decided on Schaumburg because costs were more reasonable than Chicago. Since there is a deposit to hold the restaurant, I will need a payment of $5.50 from each person who is attending. The $5.50 will go towards holding the restaurant for us and the final bill. The payment can…

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Road Rage and Big-Eared Old Fornicators

Nutsrok

Amish_Road_Rage_20140121_AmishRoadRageriad rageroad rage 3road rage 4

'I certainly don't get tailgated anymore!' ‘I certainly don’t get tailgated anymore!’

road rage 4Amish_Road_Rage_20140121_AmishRoadRageroad rage 3road rage 5road rage maniac_179505
Bud likes to road grouch.  I don’t.  I figure people mostly do the best they can, so I just watch out for them.  Bud likes to hurl useless epithets like “crazy old woman of some sort” and “big-eared old fornicator” at men.  The insults are mostly wasted on me, but I have pointed out the high improbability of big-eared old guys meriting the compliment of fornicator, but I guess he is just being generous. Even so, it doesn’t sound fair. Why is crazy or fornicator gender-specific? I do kind of take exception to the limitations on ladies.  I guess he isn’t into equal opportunity.
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Aging gracefully, or Not

Nutsrok

imageimageimage

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!' ‘Push’n 50, but ya still got it!!’

imageimageimageimage

When I was a kid, there were a lot of things I wanted to ask old people, but didn’t have the nerve. I’ll post some of them, since I have some “old friends” who have answered some of them for me. If you have questions, send them in and I’ll try to get some answers for you, too.

1. Do old people still have sex? Sure, thanks to pharmacology, if they can find someone willing, able, and blind or demented enough.

2. Why do old people drive so slow and park crazy? Most of them are retired and it doesn’t matter how long it takes them to park. Just be glad they didn’t scrape your fender on the way in to that space. They may have neck and back pain and stiff joints.

3. Why do old people dress so crazy? Why do…

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Reminder: Please Vote for My Blog!

Life of an El Paso Woman

wp-1488683706525.jpgHi everyone! The deadline to vote is coming up quick! Please vote for my blog by Wednesday, March 15. Thank you in advance! Please reblog and/or share on social media if possible. See the details below:

Hi everyone! I hope you’re doing well! I would like to ask you for a BIG favor! Life of an El Paso Woman is nominated in the What’s Up Best of the Best Local Legends competition. This is a competition the weekly newspaper has every year. You have until March 15 to vote. The top 10 finalists from each category go onto the finals between March 20-26. The winner of each category is selected on March 29. You can vote for my blog right here. My name (Lisa Amaya-Life of an El Paso Woman) is under Best Local Blogger/Social Media Publisher. You would have to enter your e-mail and date of birth in order to participate. Don’t worry, they don’t…

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AM I WASTING MY TIME?

Lucinda can write. Check out her books!

lucinda E Clarke

I have come to the following conclusion.

Not all books that hit the charts are good.

A lot of excellent books never sell.

You can become a NYT bestseller by targeting carefully and working the system.

What is the difference?

Marketing – which equals getting your book/s out there and VISIBLE, really  VISIBLE.

Now before you read any further don’t think for a moment that I am whining. I applaud and admire those people who have the marketing skill. I may or may not write good books, depending on your point of view (you can see them below!) but I ain’t got the marketing skill, nor do I have the money to pay some person or organisation to do it for me. I cannot even railroad DH into doing any of it either. (you may say aaaah here)

I receive dozens of blogs each week telling me how only Facebook…

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