Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives – Mixed Nuts Part 2 by Linda Bethea

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

I am so pleased that Linda Bethea is going to share some of her heartwarming and entertaining posts from her archives over the coming weeks. Linda’s family stories always has me in fits of laughter or shedding a tear. I hope you will also head over and buy the books that Linda has published. Here is the link to part one of her mini-series: Mixed Nuts part 1

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Mixed Nuts Part 2 by Linda Bethea

When you are dealing with family, it clarifies things to have a scale. You don’t have to waste time analyzing people when you have a ready reference. This one works pretty well for us.

1.Has a monogrammed straight jacket and standing reservation on mental ward.

2.Family is likely to move away without leaving forwarding address. Has jail time in the past or the future

3.People say, “Oh, crap. Here comes Johnny.”

4.Can go either way…

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Chapter 1- Monsters are for the Birds

Just Angela

School years suck but it’s just one of those times when you just have to pull up your big girls pants and do it. I was never what you would call, fond of it. The old, green chalkboards and wooden cubbies. The musty library and old nursing office. The “Presidential Physical Education Certificates” and the silly cake walks at the barely funded school carnivals. I mean, let’s be honest, who really cared about the odd looking chocolate cake that Billy’s mom insisted that she slaved over to “make from scratch” when well all knew it was the generic ole’ Betty Crocker box mix from aisle four at the local grocery store. I tended to slide by doing the bare minimum of what it took to get me to the next grade level. So far I was three for three. Yeah for me! I found the math homework annoying, the social…

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Echoes of Laughter

Reblogged

soulgifts - Telling Tales

Senior’s Night

It was entertainment night at the senior citizen’s center. After the community sing-a-long led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show – Claude the hypnotist.  Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. “Yes, each and everyone of you and all at the same time,” said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his coat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.  “I want you to keep your eyes on this watch,” said Claude holding it high for all to see. “It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations.”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting ” Watch the watch – watch the watch – watch the watch…” They were all hypnotised. And…

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Gallery

Dinner Time: Circa 1968

Relogged

BzirkWorld

Nothing’s gonna change my world
Jai Guru Deva OM

Eating dinner at my house was pretty much a thirty minute game of survival-of-the-2016-01-19-1453218206-9341429-martin_luther_king_jr__montgomery_arrest_1958most-invisible for the three of us kids. The cleverest of the bunch was able to duck under dad’s radar and avoid pressing whatever hot-button was always brewing just below the surface for him. Often it was a racism issue or a sex or religion issue or something to do with a current popular song on the radio which fueled–in his mind– an increasing cultural depravity of the generation of anti-establishment teenagers who now occupied his classrooms.

Dad hated religion but he hated what society became in its absence even more. I don’t know that he recognized the dichotomy there but it kept him embroiled in an emotional battle that he foisted on his owns kids as he constantly prodded and poked us about concepts he’d caught wind…

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here piggy piggy (tuesday trivia)

Valuable information from The Shameful Sheep.

The Shameful Sheep

Fun Fact: A pig’s orgasm can last up to 30 minutes.

Am I the only one that’s pissed about this? This seems pretty unfair. What the hell, God? Is this the price we are paying for eating pigs? If we give up bacon, can we have one last for 30 minutes too? pigmask

As I was searching for pig pictures, I came across Esther The Wonder Pig. Have any of y’all heard of her? She was supposedly a “mini-pig” but turned out to be massive. I wonder if you can house-train pigs. Holy shit, she is cute. I want a pig roaming around my house, as long as they aren’t leaving massive poops on my kitchen floor. I’ve been obsessing all morning looking at her Instagram photos. Go look.

esther

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