All’s Well That End’s Well or Don’t Call the Copper

Did you ever hear a story and think, “Boy, that’s so dumb that could have been my Crazy Cousin Carol’s kid?”  Well, I heard a story like that on the local news a few days ago.  It seems three enterprising young fellows were trying to steal copper wire when one  of them got an electrical shock and appeared to be dead. The other two didn’t want to be implicated in his death or the copper theft, so they loaded what they thought was his lifeless body and the copper in their truck.  After dragging him through his mama’s bedroom window, they tucked him in bed, pulled the covers up to his chin, and were intending to leave him for Mama to find  When she came in from a night out, she heard the ruckus in Junior’s  room and fired off a couple of shots at them.  Upon discovering Junior, she called EMS and the cops.  About the same time Junior got to the ER, so did his buddies with backsides full of shot.  All three recovered and were arrested, since they hadn’t bothered to unload the copper before heading for the hospital.

I was telling my brother this story when he cut me off.  “You do know who that was, don’t you?”

I had to admit I had no idea.

“That was your Cousin Carol’s boy, Jimmy.”  He didn’t bother to explain why she was my cousin and not his.  That kind of took the wind out of my sails, having him knowing more about my story than I did.

All’s well that end’s well.  More on Cousin Carol and her delightful family later.

No Honor among Thieves

wildflowersI won’t bother to lie.  That was me you saw on the side of that country road or on that old home place in the country digging up plants..and that little, bitty old lady you saw with me; that was my mama.   She’s my look out and spotter. When arrested, I won’t even be able to claim the act was spontaneous, since I keep a nice little camping shovel and plastic bags under my truck seat especially for my thieving excursions.  I’ll probably try to explain that Mother has Alzheimer’s and escaped from me, but that might not fly, since I’ll be the one out wading in the muck while she’s standing by the truck, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Just so you know, I’m not the only thief she raised.  My sister, Connie makes raids just like I do.  We both make sure to get enough to share, since it’s inevitable one of us will eventually get caught.  Bud swears he won’t bail me out, but I suspect he’ll come get me when he gets hungry.  Mother is on her own.  She should have raised us better.