My mother often said, “If you have kids, you can’t have anything else.” Well, she was wrong. We had a new toilet seat. After installing it, Daddy looked around, stared us down, and threatened. “I’d better not see anybody’s initials on this seat!” Where did that come from? I’d never heard of anybody putting initials on a toilet seat.
I went about my business, that toilet seat and initials, foremost on my mind. I wrote LDS in my “Night Before Christmas” book, LDS in the sand under the big shade tree, scooped up some mud and wrote LDS on the dog house. Still unsatisfied, I heated the ice pick on a stove burner and burned LDS on a green Tupperware tumbler.
Feeling strangely unfulfilled and restless, I couldn’t think of a thing to do. Billy was off somewhere playing with Froggy. Mother and the baby were taking a nap, so if I stayed in the house, I had to be quiet. I slipped in the kitchen to see if there was any Kool Aid miraculously left in the pitcher. No luck. Dejected, I went to the bathroom.
There it was calling to me, pristine in its unblemished beauty. The new toilet seat!!! I sat down, my bare bottom luxuriating in its cool smoothness. I got up, locked the door, and turned the seat up. Making sure no one was looking through the window, I got Mother’s eyebrow pencil out of the medicine cabinet and wrote LDS in tiny letters where no one would ever see it. Terrified, I erased my crime. The finish was dull from pencil smears. My heart pounded! I was caught! I got tissue and buffed it off. Thank goodness the shine was back. Relieved, I sat on the side of the bathtub to catch my breath. A nail fell out of my pocket and clattered to the bottom of the tub. Never has the devil so possessed a soul. Grasping the nail, I scratched BRS, Billy’s initials, on the toilet seat. Horrified, at the enormity of my crime, I tiptoed past the room where Mother and the baby still slept. By this time, Billy and Froggy had gotten back. We were throwing mud balls at each other when I heard a shriek from the house. “BILLY RAY SWAIN!! You come here this minute!” I didn’t need to go in to know what was wrong. I heard “Spat! Spat! Spat!” and in a few minutes he was out, still snuffling.
“What happened?”
“Mother whooped me for putting my initials on the toilet seat. I told her I didn’t know how to write but she said, ‘Who else would put your initials on the toilet seat?’ “
How long could it be before she found the Tupperware?
I bet one’s boldly stamped “Hillary Clinton” or “Donald Trump” would sell like hot cakes.
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What a rat bag you were! Thanks for a great story and a good laugh.
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I was, and thanks.
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Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
See! It wasn’t only me! I enjoyed that reflective story a lot! -OM
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Thanks. I thought you’d like to know someone Laois the groundwork for you.
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I thought it was a great read! lol
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My brother is still mad!
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LOL! I imagine he is!
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I don’t know when you visited my house, but now I know where the initials came from. Lol.
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Can you believe he still speaks to me?
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Though I made up for it when I hit 18. I was not a rowdy child. So I felt particularly guilty about my impulsive childhood transgressions.This story reminds me what a relief it is to laugh about things that were awful to our younger selves. And it helps me laugh about my ADD kids, who now, in their 20s still act on many of their impulses. Thanks for following “Anything is Possible” so I could find you!
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All I could think was Latter Day Saints.
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Nothing saintly about me.
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We’re good to go! (Re: “following”! Supposedly, I should be getting emails notifying me when you post!!! Is that how you know when I post something???????)
Poor Billy! That’s ok, my brother took a couple of “wuppins” for me, too! Figured he was “owed them” for the hell he put me through as a younger sister!!! Oh well…Surprisingly, we’re total buds, as adults!!!!!
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Funny how that works, isn’t it. Glad everything is ok.
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Are you related to Eve, by any chance? I loved this one; it was beautifully narrated.
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Sometimes my brother had a hard life.
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To this day sometimes I still think “poor Billy”. He was probably the sweetest little boy until you ruined him, lol. Great retelling of a true story.
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He had his moments
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I was a third out of four child. This sounds alot like something that would happen to me. But I am still laughing.
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I know. Being sometimes has it’s perks.
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It was a great confusion for you, I think … A funny story!
All the best for you, Tania.
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I forgot to say! I liked the photo! It is you and your baby and kids?
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No. It’s me and my siblings. I’m the girl on left. Age 11. My mother had given me a home perm . Hated it. See my post “Medusa”
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I replied in error. I was on far right standinding behind toddler on overalls.
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I wasn’t confused. Just got obsessed.
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fantastic story.
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So glad you liked it. My brother had a hard time.
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I liked the story because it dealt with the temptation of the forbidden. I’m sure you had a hard time too, knowing that you had caused your brother to be falsely accused and convicted.
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That’s generous of you. I was a rowdy kid. I was in trouble constantly for acting impulsively. I refer you to my entries “I Wish They’d Had ADD When I Was a Kid” (1-3) Fortunately, my brother and I are still very close. We laughed together today over this post.
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Great story and a pleasure to read 🙂
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Thanks. My poor brother had rough road.
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Yes, he did… bless him. Did he ever get even?!
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Not as often as he would have liked.
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