My Favorite Joke

The crowds had been packing the traveling “tent revival” every night that week, grateful offerings filling the pockets of the evangelist. Cure after cure was enacted in the sweltering heat of those July evenings. Emotions were at an all time high on the last night as the last two afflicted souls reached the evangelist at the front of the tent..

Struggling up the steps on her crutches poor Mrs. Smith hobbled up to the evangelist. “Heal me! I haven’t been able to walk without crutches in twenty years.”

“Yes, Sister! You will be healed! Go behind the screen and wait with the others sinners. I’ll get to you all at one time.

Johnny Jones was the last in line. “I have a lifth. It hath made my life awful. Pleath heal me of my lifth!”

“Yes, Brother!  You will be healed!  Go behind the curtain with all the others and you will all be healed at once.”

The evangelist offered up a long, heartfelt prayer for healing.  Weeping could be heard all over the tent.  Finally, he concluded, calling out dramatically.  “Mrs. Smith, you haven’t been able to walk without crutches for twenty years, have you?”

“No, Lord!” she replied from behind the curtain.

“You are healed! Throw your right crutch over the curtain.” Her right crutch clattered over the curtain. “Now throw your left crutch over the curtain.” The left crutch followed.

Thunderous “Amens!” echoed all over the tent.

“Johnny Jones, you are healed of your lisp.  Call out to us in a loud, clear voice so all can hear!” demanded the evangelist!

“Mithuth Thmith just fell on her ath!”

Ten Things to Never Say to Your Church Pianist

THAT SONG WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF IT, AGAIN?

YOU PLAY LIKE A MAN.

THANKS FOR YOUR OFFERTORY. IT GAVE ME JUST ENOUGH TIME TO READ THE CHURCH BULLETIN FROM COVER TO COVER.

YOU DID A GREAT JOB. DID YOU EVER TAKE PIANO LESSONS?

I WOULD GIVE MY LEFT ARM TO BE ABLE TO PLAY LIKE YOU.

THAT WAS THE BEST YOU’VE EVER PLAYED. I ONLY HEARD A FEW MISTAKES.

DID YOU SNEAK A PAUL MCCARTNEY TUNE IN YOUR PRELUDE?

HOW EXACTLY DID YOUR SONG SELECTION FIT WITH THE REST OF THE WORSHIP SERVICE?

I’M DIZZY AFTER HEARING YOU PLAY ALL THOSE NOTES!

YOU SOUNDED MUCH BETTER WHEN I TURNED OFF MY HEARING AIDS.