Joke

A guy walks into a bar.  He drinks too much and throws up on his shirt.  “My wife’s gonna kill me,” he mutters.

“Don’t worry about it,” said the bartender, sticking a five in his pocket.  ” Just pull this out, tell her a guy threw up on you and gave you a five to have your shirt cleaned.”

The guy staggered home, sure enough, his wife was mad about the shirt.  ” A drunk threw up on me and gave me a five to have my shirt cleaned.”

“But this is a ten!”

“He crapped my pants,too!”

A Grave Matter

As the two tipsy ladies staggered home their night on the town, they realized they had to go, right then, and made a quick detour into the cemetery.  They each ducked behind a tombstone to do their business.  Of course, they had no toilet tissue.  One used her panties, tossing them aside.  Her friend had worn a lovely matched set and couldn’t bear to part with her undies.  She just snitched a ribbon off a flower arrangement, cast it aside, and went on her way.