6 Reasons to have Kids

babyprint1x1. Β Curiosity: Β Go ahead and see what you can whip up. Drift into a hormone-induced fog Β thinking how great it would be to have a baby with all the combined charm of you and your sweetie. Β  Realistically, that baby is just as likely to exercise its genetic options and come up with a nice mix of Cousin Fred and and Aunt Myrtle’s worst traits.

2.Β  Karma. Β You have to “pay for your raising.” Β I can’t tell you how many times my mom wished “fifteen kids who act just like you” on me. Β What a horrible thing to curse a kid with! Β The woman had no conscience! Β Nothing makes you forgive your parents’ horrendous mistakes like screwing up your own kids.

3.Β  Kids keep you humble. Β Nobody knows more about raising kids than folks who’ve never had one. Β There is no surer way to ensure your kid will humiliate you on a regular basis than to criticize somebody else’s kid. Β Never, never, never say, “my kid wouldn’t do that.” Β They are probably doing it right then on the six o’clock news.

4.Β  Budgeting is no problem once you have kids. Β Except for rent, groceries, and utilities, and minimal clothes for yourself, everything goes for kid expenses. Β It will be many years before you have to Β bother yourself about fancy cars, entertainment, vacation, savings, or investments.

5.Β  Educational benefits. Β I never realized how little I knew until my first night home with a new baby. Β Nothing I did worked. Β Though child care looked simple enough, nothing I’d ever done prepared me for the challenge. Β As they grew older, my incompetence grew exponentially. Β By the time they were teenagers, I barely had enough functioning brain cells to tie my shoes. Β Thank God, a few years after they left home, I seemed to be functioning moderately well. Β It’s amazing how children in the home makes parental IQs plummet.

6.Β  Hopefully, they get grown and give you beautiful, well-behaved grandchildren, asking you to babysit only on rare occasions.

Pushing Too Hard?

KidsAll the pressure for kids to succeed now must be really rough.Β  I suspect parents don’t know the toll their children pay for the pressure to β€œdo their best” and β€œachieve.”  Remembering the relief of playing after school, homework and chores, I would have hated knowing I had to face more pressure in dance class, athletics, and tutoring.Β  As clumsy as I was, it would have been more stressful than school. Continue reading

Overheard at Work

G string

Stop now if you are easily offended.Β  Contains adult content!

We all have different parenting styles.

I overheardΒ a hilarious phone conversation aΒ furious friend and co-worker had with her teenage daughter at work one day. (repeated verbatim)

“Kaylee, You been gittin’ in my drawers!”

Pause

“Yes you have!Β  I can tell you been diggin’ around in there!Β  Them’s f___ing panties!Β  Is you f____ing!”

She slammed the phone down.Β  “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that little ‘ho! I can’t keep her out of my f___ing panties”

I was rolling on the floor, laughing.