6 Reasons to have Kids

babyprint1x1.  Curiosity:  Go ahead and see what you can whip up. Drift into a hormone-induced fog  thinking how great it would be to have a baby with all the combined charm of you and your sweetie.   Realistically, that baby is just as likely to exercise its genetic options and come up with a nice mix of Cousin Fred and and Aunt Myrtle’s worst traits.

2.  Karma.  You have to “pay for your raising.”  I can’t tell you how many times my mom wished “fifteen kids who act just like you” on me.  What a horrible thing to curse a kid with!  The woman had no conscience!  Nothing makes you forgive your parents’ horrendous mistakes like screwing up your own kids.

3.  Kids keep you humble.  Nobody knows more about raising kids than folks who’ve never had one.  There is no surer way to ensure your kid will humiliate you on a regular basis than to criticize somebody else’s kid.  Never, never, never say, “my kid wouldn’t do that.”  They are probably doing it right then on the six o’clock news.

4.  Budgeting is no problem once you have kids.  Except for rent, groceries, and utilities, and minimal clothes for yourself, everything goes for kid expenses.  It will be many years before you have to  bother yourself about fancy cars, entertainment, vacation, savings, or investments.

5.  Educational benefits.  I never realized how little I knew until my first night home with a new baby.  Nothing I did worked.  Though child care looked simple enough, nothing I’d ever done prepared me for the challenge.  As they grew older, my incompetence grew exponentially.  By the time they were teenagers, I barely had enough functioning brain cells to tie my shoes.  Thank God, a few years after they left home, I seemed to be functioning moderately well.  It’s amazing how children in the home makes parental IQs plummet.

6.  Hopefully, they get grown and give you beautiful, well-behaved grandchildren, asking you to babysit only on rare occasions.

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Pushing Too Hard?

KidsAll the pressure for kids to succeed now must be really rough.  I suspect parents don’t know the toll their children pay for the pressure to “do their best” and “achieve.”  Remembering the relief of playing after school, homework and chores, I would have hated knowing I had to face more pressure in dance class, athletics, and tutoring.  As clumsy as I was, it would have been more stressful than school. Continue reading

Overheard at Work

G string

Stop now if you are easily offended.  Contains adult content!

We all have different parenting styles.

I overheard a hilarious phone conversation a furious friend and co-worker had with her teenage daughter at work one day. (repeated verbatim)

“Kaylee, You been gittin’ in my drawers!”

Pause

“Yes you have!  I can tell you been diggin’ around in there!  Them’s f___ing panties!  Is you f____ing!”

She slammed the phone down.  “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that little ‘ho! I can’t keep her out of my f___ing panties”

I was rolling on the floor, laughing.