Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Guest Writer – Linda Bethea – The Letter #Family #Humour

Smorgasbord Book Promotion – What’s in a Name? Volume Two by Sally Cronin

Wonderful Times of Reading Aloud

It has always been a joy to hear my sister Phyllis read aloud.  Till my last days, I will cherish a few days during school Christmas vacation in 1961.  Phyllis was enjoying reading Great Expectations in her ninth grade English class and offered to read a few pages aloud. Daddy was working second shift at the paper mill, so once he left and the remains of the noon meal were cleared away, we settled in the cozy living room for a reading.  I would have been eleven, Billy, eight, and Connie and Marilyn, two and a few months old.  Enraptured by the story of Pip, the cruel Estella, and the mad Miss Havisham, I would

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Puppy Love

My dog is cheating on me.  He begs to go out then only stands in the drive and looks longingly at the neighbor’s house.  I do believe, if I allowed it, he’d  howl a serenade under the lady’s window.  A few times, she’s stopped to visit and pet him.  You’d think think she’d invited him into her life.  Puffing out his chest,  he peed impressively, then kicked up a huge cloud of dust. to show what a mighty fellow he is.  In all honesty, his bladder capacity is astounding since he’s a mastiff, but I don’t think it makes her want him more., nor does his habit of making a beeline to sniff her nether portions.

Worse yet, if he gets more than twenty feet ahead of me, he goes stone deaf.  Buzzy, my other dog, suffers the same malady.  Though we have a two-acre yard with plenty of poop room, they are both desperate to leave surprises for the neighbors.  Early on, I made sure they knew the perimeter of our yard.  Since then, they’ve both try not to go inside its boundaries.  If they got their heart’s desire, we’d be surrounded by a poop fence on all four sides ten feet just outside our property lines.  Buzzy’s deposits are offensive enough, but Croc’s leavings are mountainous.and would soon obscure the view if left to lie.  We’d be run out of the neighborhood if they got their wish.

Great Deal

I need to call these guys for an estimate.

Dog Day

I wish he could relax.

 

Not My Grocery Store

Image courtesy of Pixabay

I wish I could find this grocery store.  I hate self-check out, particularly when I have produce.  I don’t want to key in codes or weigh apples.  I don’t want to bag my own.  Recently, the checker in the only full-service lane closed as I approached, leaving two express lanes free.  Of course, self-check was wide open. I wheeled right in, remarking there was no full-service check line open.  She suggested self- check or waiting for a full-service lane.

I told her, “I’m not doing that.”  The supervisor walked over and I voiced my complaint.

She explained express lane was not set up for full-service.  I explained that I had no intention of using self-check.  They did check me out.  I have a real problem with stores expecting shoppers cutting labor costs and expecting me to assume responsibility.

 

 

Misery

Image courtesy of Pixabay

I am normally up between four and five.  I’d love to sleep later, but my eyes spring open like a cheap window shade .  I am desperate to be out of bed.  Yesterday morning, for some reason, I dozed back off. The crazy dreams started.  It was miserable.  I dreamed I was supposed to be at a mail-carrier job ninety miles away.  Every effort to get there fell through.  First, II couldn’t find black pants I had to wear.  Next, I had dawdled and not gotten ready.  I kept struggling, but one impediment after another held me back. It was misery, like trying to push syrup up a hill with a stick.  I was so glad to finally wake up.  This morning, I jumped straight up.  It was so much better.

Easy Crocheted Sweater

  This is a very simple crochet pattern I designed for a hoody.  I am not a  skilled artisan. I made this one in double crochet, but any stitch will do.  It consists of  a series of rectangles.  Simply decide what measurements you need. It is easy to find size measurements online.  I’ve done several in child to adult sizes.  The back is largest.  The two front sections are slightly more than half the back size.  Once you have back, front sections and sleeve rectangles made to measure. Slip stitch or crochet front sections to back.  I leave a generous neck opening.  Lay it out flat and stitch sleeves to sweaters, taking care that sleeve centers match shoulder seams.    Finally stitch up side sleeves and down length of sleeve.  To make good, crochet along neckline, repeating till desired hood depth is attained.  If you just want a collar, make it desired size.   Pull hood edges togetherinches, child hoods about six.  Once complete, I crocheted  several rounds completely around sweater and hood.  Finally, attach buttons or zipper for closure.  If desired, run a crocheted drawstring around outer edge of hung.   I love making this simple hoody.  It works up very quickly, especially in a bulky yarn.