Monday: Missed the snooze ??” hit the ooze button.
‘That’s the wrong one. Hope you kept the receipt.’
THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO SAY AT WORK
- I see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
- I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
- I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
- Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started! out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.