Best Cat Cartoons and Jokes of the Day

Nutsrok

can opener1can opener2can opener 3can opener 5can opener 4Funny quotes about cat owners

  • “You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.”- George Mikes
  • “There are few things in life more heart warming than to be welcomed by a cat.” – Tay Hohoff
  • “The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you.”- Pam Brown
  • As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. – Ellen Perry Berkeley
  • “My husband said it was him or the cat…I miss him sometimes.” – Unknown

Read more: http://therealowner.com/humor/funny-quotes-about-cats-and-cat-owners/#ixzz3sSJa4CMV

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Crazy Charlsie Part 13

I started this serial months ago and finally got back to it.

It starts with Charley’s birth.  https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2017/04/11/charleys-tale/

It continues with Charley’s coming of age.  https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2017/06/03/crazy-charlsie/

 

Charley had never been invited to Marzell’s home or called her on the phone, so he went by to let her know he was going to spend the summer at the farm.  Stepfather Melvin met him at the door.  “What do you want?  You ain’t lost nothin’ here.”

“I just wanted to let Marzell know I’m going to my farm for the summer.”

“Oh, so you’re the morphodite that little tramp’s been running around with.  She ain’t having nothing else to do with you.  Get lost!” As the hateful man turned to slam the door, he shoved Marzell roughly to the floor.

Enraged, but mindless of his recent surgery, Charley tried to shove his way in to Marzell, Melvin burst out, pummeling him with his beefy fists.  A few well-placed blows reduced Charles to a crumpled heap on the porch.  “I’ll kill you if I ever see you close to her again, you freaky dyke!”  With a final kick to the ribs, Charles landed on the bottom step.

It took Charles several humiliating minutes to work his way to his feet as the pain in his left side held him in its twisted grip.  With one eye swollen shut and front teeth loose, his battered nose dripped blood down his shirt.  Charles’s first challenge to his manhood had left him suffering the second and most cruel emasculation of his young life.

As he struggled homeward, the sordid scene played over and over in his head. His surgical wound had eviscerated, leaking blood and serum.  He barely made it to his front porch before collapsing.  Thankfully, the dog’s barking alerted his father.

Joke of the Day

Nutsrok

Heaven’s Entrance Exam

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the
Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points
to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I
give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good
it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”

“Okay,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years
and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”

“That’s wonderful,” says St. Peter, “that’s worth three points!”

“Three points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and supported
its ministry with my tithe and service.”

“Terrific!” says St. Peter. “That’s certainly worth a point.”

“One point?!!” “I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter
for homeless veterans.”

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Smorgasbord Review 2017 – – Humour – Under the Influence! With a few cats thrown in…

Too funny not to Reblog.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

This was the most viewed humour post of 2017 – I hope you enjoy…..

Strange things happen in bars.. drinking too much can alter your persective in life and sometimes rearrange your facial features. Not something I recommend. However, bars can also be amusing places!

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, “Where is everybody?” The bartender replied, “They’ve gone to the hanging.” “Hanging? Who are they hanging?” “Brown Paper Pete,” the bartender replied.

“What kind of a name is that?” the cowboy asked. “Well,” said the bartender, “he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes.”

“Weird guy,” said the cowboy. “What are they hanging him for?”

“Rustling,” said the bartender

This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can show him something unbelievable, he gets…

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Bucket List for a Spring Chicken Part 3

When I left you,  Ollie had just found out we were arriving a day earlier than she thought.  “Yikes!   I was going to clean house tomorrow.” She exclaimed.

I reassured her.  “Go ahead, but I’m not helping.  I’m on vacation.” None of us cleaned house.  Instead, we drank coffee and told wild stories till time to go out to lunch every day, then shopped a little in the afternoons.   I haven’t shopped since I retired, so I really enjoyed it.  I even bought red pajamas.  Next time I take a trip, my host can sing  “She’ll Be Wearing Red Pajamas When She comes.”

We visited my uncle’s grave in the National Cemetery at Elgin, Oklahoma,  a very reverent and fitting place for our service members and their spouses. (Pictured above.  Shirley Martin and  Ollie Johnson)

Regrettably, we had to leave after a short three days.   I would have loved to stay a month, but Ollie got lucky.  We had to get home for Christmas.   I love travelling with women.   dawdling over lunch and drinking all the tea I want.  No  one complains about stopping for the bathroom or worries about “making good  time.”  You can even stop at fruit stands or resale shops.

The last thing Mother said as she got off the train was, “Now I want to ride the train to San Antonio to see Ann.”  So much for clearing her bucket list!  I guess that’s how she made it to eighty-nine!

Homeward Bound.

Bucket List for a Spring Chicken Part 2

 

This battered beauty makes  every mile with Mother.  I will never forgive my daughter-in-law, Carissa, for gifting Mother with it when Mother complained  her old one had worn out.  I’d been looking forward to its demise for a while.   Except for that betrayal,  Carissa is a perfect DIL.  Please note the frayed seams and the deluxe cat collar fortifying its temperamental zipper.  Though lots of folks think it’s a fanny pack, Mother wears it prominently displayed in front where no one will catch her by surprise.

While we’re on the subject of money, when Mother told my brother she couldn’t afford her ticket, he put one hundred dollars in her account.  One concerned sister gave her two hundred, enough for the trip and spending money.  Lest you think that money went on her trip, it disappeared deep into the bowels of her savings account.  Financially, that trip worked out really well for her.

The three of us caught the train in Marshall, Texas, unaware the price of the shuttle from the Shreveport Airport seven miles from home was included in the ticket.  You can be sure we caught the shuttle on the way home, sparing Bud the return drive for pickup. Mother was as excited as a kid at Christmas as we boarded Amtrak.  We found seats on the second floor of the coach.  They were spacious and comfortable, a delight after air travel.  Mother made fast friends with the conductor.  We spent a great portion of our ride in the lounge car.  I highly recommend it.

During our four-hour layover in Fort Worth, we had time for a leisurely lunch downtown When the eager waiter whisked her leftover chicken salad back to the kitchen without asking if she was done, he had to come up with a replacement for take out. Mother always gets at least two meals out of a restaurant meal, especially after she gleans the leftovers off her dining partner’s plates. Back at the waiting room in the depot, Shirley and I made a quick trip to the bathroom, leaving Mother alone for just a few minutes.  We should have known better.  On our return, Mother was deep in conversation with an elderly gentleman who’d moved to the seat next to her.  I warned him she’d already buried seven husbands and he ran like a rabbit.  I told Mother a long time ago I didn’t want any more mean brothers and sisters, but still have to remind her occasionally. I guess that poor man didn’t want a mean daughter, either. I didn’t get a chance to tell him I was kidding.

An hour or so before we got to Oklahoma City, our host called to see if we were still coming the next day.  “No, we’ll be there in an hour.” Fortunately, she picked us up anyway.

More to come……

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves Update for 2018 – Free book promotion

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

If you are not already in Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore you may like to take a look at what you as an author will gain by being there.  Please read the section on what I need to do this effectively both before and after the promotional post.

Apart from being showcased with other promoted author on the shelves of the Cafe and Bookstore, you will be able to share your new releases, great reviews or offers in one of the Twice weekly updates on Monday and Friday. This post is shared on my network of over 35,000 contacts spread over my social media.. The key is the fact that many of those contacts will share on their own networks giving you access to thousands more potential readers.

I am very happy to feature any author on the shelves every four weeks or so and it means that you will be…

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Wearing Out Your Welcome

Reblog of an old post just right for holiday visitors.

Nutsrok

Cousins on Christmas Cousins on Christmas

parents wedding picfamily6My mother found this hilarious letter among her things today. My grandmother was in a foul mood when she wrote it. I recalled this weekend like it was yesterday when I read the letter. Grandma was nosy. If she’d been an animal, she’d have been a ferret. She like to get right behind Daddy, quizzing him about his business and his family. “How come your mama moved off the Henderson Place? Seems like she was set up real well there. How come Ella May and her husband separated? They looked like they were doing good?” If she didn’t get enough answers, she picked us kids. “When did Suzie get married?”

None of this endeared her to Daddy. He wasn’t a patient man. If he’d been an animal, he’d have made a fine bear. She had already been visiting two weeks by the time this letter was written…

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Bucket List for a Spring Chicken

Mother will be ninety in May.  A few weeks ago, my youngest sister asked if she had a bucket list.

“Not really,” she answered.  “I’ve seen London, Dublin, New York City, and San Francisco.  I’ve been to Canada, Mexico, and lots of the United States.  I’ve worked as a teacher and in a cemetery.  I’ve seen my name and art on the cover of a book.  I’ve been married and had five children, then had lots of years on my own since your daddy died.  I’ve been lucky and gotten to do so many things I only dreamed of growing up in The Depression in Cuthand, Texas.  I guess the only thing I’ve been thinking about is taking a trip on Amtrak.”

That didn’t sound like much of a hill to climb.  I called a very dear family member we’d both been wanting to visit for a while and wangled an invitation. We invited my sister-in-law, Shirley, which ensured a great time.  After checking the dates with everybody, I got the tickets.  About a week before we were to leave, Mother called.

“Have you already bought those tickets?  It’s really not a good time for me to go before Christmas.  I’d rather not spend the money right now and I haven’t done any shopping.  Can you get your money back?   Could we schedule it sometime later?”

I didn’t remind her she’s never once, in her whole life has ever felt it’s the best time to spend some money.  I also didn’t remind her she always gives everyone cash, so there’s no gift shopping.  “You don’t have to decide today.  Think about it a day or two.  Your ticket is your Christmas gift, so that won’t cost you anything.”

That sealed it.  “Oh, in that case, I’m ready to  go.” She was as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

More to come …..