Very Best of the Evening Jokes Just for You

SOME FEMALE BUMPER STICKERS

Behind every successful woman is herself.

Oh my god, I think I’m becoming the man I wanted to marry!
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.

A woman is like a tea bag … you don’t know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men … some things are just better rich.

Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
I’m out of oestrogen and I have a gun.

Warning:
I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Of course I don’t look busy … I did it right the first time.
Do not start with me. You will not win.
bullet
All stressed out and no one to choke.

I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.
How can I miss you if you won’t go away ?

Don’t upset me! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

 

Advice for the Easter Season: No Baby Chicks!

No little kid should ever be allowed a small, defenseless duck, chick, or bunny for a pet.  One of those four hundred pound tortoises would be a far better choice.  It could protect itself and the kid couldn’t pick it up.  Porcupines or crocodiles should be fine, too.  They could probably hold their own against a four year old.  Case in point, when I was four,