Competitive Salary-Paying you less than our competitions.
Join our Fast Paced Team-We expect you to know everything so we don’t train you.
Casual Work Atmosphere-We don’t pay you enough to dress you up
Must be Deadline Oriented-You are 6 months behind on your first day.
Duties Will Vary-Anyone in the Office can boss you around
Must have an eye for detail-We have no quality control
Prison-3 meals a day
Work-1 meal and you have to pay for that one
Prison-Guards Unlock and Lock the doors for you
Work-You have to do it yourself
Prison-Friends and Family can visit you
The company’s management team put their heads together to decide how to reduce the high employee turnover rate. “They spend their first six or eight weeks learning our system, then they join another company,” complained one executive. “Yes, but doesn’t that at least speak highly of our training program?” chirped an optimistic colleague.
An ironworker nonchalantly walked the narrow beam fifteen floors above the city sidewalk. Though strong winds were blowing a heavy rain, the worker showed no fear whatever. When he came down to the sidewalk, a man who had been watching him from ground level went over to him and said, “I was really impressed watching you up there. You were so calm. How did you get a job like this?” “Well, as a matter of fact,” replied the ironworker, “I used to drive a school bus, until my nerves gave out
A painter accepted the task of painting a church steeple. He had 10 gallons of white paint. Half way down the steeple he had already used 6.5 gallons. He made sure no one was looking and then diluted the remaining paint with paint thinner.
He finished the job, cleaned his brush and rollers, and looked up to see that there were two distinct colors of white on the steeple.
“Oh, no!” he exclaimed, “What can I do now?”
A clap of thunder roared above him, and a booming voice was heard saying, “Repaint! And stop your thinning!”
A suggestion from a Human Resources Manager:
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES . . .
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.