We love our crazy folks down South. Oh, we may not want them right up in the house with us, not that it doesn’t happen from time to time, but certainly we need them to brighten up our holidays and remind us of how dull life would be without them.
My perennially pregnant Cousin Carol waddled into the family reunion this year with her nine kids and current live-in. He’d look like Willie Nelson if she cleaned him up a little. Excepting her penchant for living in sin, Cousin Carol is fanatically religious, devoting herself to the food kitchens, fellowship nights serving evening meals, and community closets of all the local churches, though not their morning services. “It’s hard to git nine young’uns dressed that early.” Some nosey relative asked her how many more kids she was going to have and she answered, “As many as God gives me.” I think the boyfriends had more to do giving her those babies than God did! You can bet your sweet fanny she won’t have any more if she had to pay for them. At the conclusion of the reunion, she loaded up as much food as she could load in her decrepit station wagon, reasoning if she didn’t, y R would go to waste.”
For those of you who haven’t been to a family gathering in the South, this is every cook’s turn to shine. They bring their most celestial dishes. If Aunt Sue chases you down with her fresh coconut cake, you’re going to try it or else! Don’t bother pleading allergies. Aunt Bonnie makes the best fried chicken. You have to have some of Uncle Joe’s barbecue, but watch out for Cousin Mattie Mae’s Three-Bean-Salad with the wigglies. You don’t have to take any of that. She has Alzheimer’s and won’t know the difference. It may very well be the same batch she brought last year.
Uncle Chester couldn’t make it this year. He got sent back up for counterfeiting, but he did set the boys up in bootlegging before he got caught. They’re doing real good. Aunt Jennie was really bragging on them. Her girl Joyce is teaching at the high school and just married the Baptist preacher. Aunt Jennie is so proud all her kids are making a good living and doing well.
I never get tired of bragging about my tightwad Cousin Kat who set up her tombstone in her bedroom because she “didn’t want to spend all that money and then not get any enjoyment out of it.” There was my cousin Evil Larry, who ran around with his pants unzipped so he “all the better to pee on us” when he could catch us. I never did learn to like him, though. I adored my cousin Sue, but she was a compulsive liar from the time she could talk; delightful, non-malicious creations that kept me guessing. She was great fun, but would have climbed on top of the house to tell a tale when she could have stood on the ground and told the truth.
I don’t think I could pick a favorite. I love them all, even the ones I hid from. They gave me wonderful stories, ensuring that my rich, life never has a boring moment. All I have to do is think back and recall.
(Oh and the Cat’s name was Old Greenie She was 26 years old and had just given birth to her last litter of kittens. Not long after this picture was made Old Greenie ate the kittens, starting at the feet. My Grandpa was horrified and knocked her in the head. See, my family even had crazy animals.)
❤️
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Southern and proud. Haha! Love it!
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Yeah!
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Oh my goodness, this was hysterical AND on point for much of these parts down here! Thanks for the chuckling realism! BTW, Uncle Eddie with the 9 toes and glass eye (hunting and fishing accidents) sends his regards!
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What a group, Linda. But then I guess we all have some relatives who are “different”. Life would be dull otherwise. 😀 — Suzanne
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I fear they were from the shallow end of the gene pool.
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Wow, now how strange is that! My family not only looks a lot like all those people in those (really awesome) pictures, but I had a cat named Boots, who did the exact same thing to her last batch of kittens just before my mother socked her in the head with a broomstick. No more kittens, no more Boots, and by the way, Stu can’t remember if he’s married or not, but he’s going to check, and then he’ll get back to me.
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I am waiting for his answer with baited breath.
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Well don’t turn blue or anything. Lol.
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Well, okay then. I’ll just keep the one I have now.
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Sounds like the decent Southern thing to do.
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Are you from the Deep South?
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Only after I ran away from home when I was 10-years old and joined the travelling carnival. We took Winter Break in Orlando each year, and part of the tour each season was down that way. (I may be one of the few Canadians who knows what a soft quarter is, or who loves boiled peanuts for that matter.)
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You are just a misplaced Southerner. How about grits and sweet tea.
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Just as soon as I digest my biscuits and gravy.
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Ah ha ha!
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As you know I’ve re-blogged your post.. A pure delight..
Take care, Laura…
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I was so delighted!
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Are you sure you’re not making all this up? LOL. Still, great stories
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Uh, read through comments on this post to Judy Martin from Edwina’s Episodes sides. This s one is still too raw to post!
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Reblogged this on bluebird4udaily and commented:
This is a must read, delightful story of the Good Old South.. Please take a moment to view and I’m certain you’ll be glad you did.. Take care my friends, hugs from Laura
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Thank you, Thank you!
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I love your crazy assortment of relatives Linda. You have been doubly blessed that they had mad animals as well! 🙂
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Just so you know, my son had to have his little finger off today because his OWN dog bit it. He has two massive Akitas and dropped a piece of chicken. They were fighting and he tried to separate them. Why would anyone try to separate dogs that weigh 160 pounds. He is doing fine. When he rolled into surgery, he said he was looking forward to giving the doctor “the finger!” Do you need an Akita? I know where you can get one! Cheap!
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OMG! I can;t believe your son got in the middle of two huge dogs, he is either very brave or bloody crazy!!
I wish him well though and hope he makes a good recovery. 🙂
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Uh, he’s not known for bravery!
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HaHA! I like him already. He is as crazy as the rest of you! 🙂
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Hope he is tired of being a snack!
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You really got me with that bedroom tombstone. ☺
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If you want to see it, it resides at the Mouth of Wilson, Virginia cemetery. I’d think that’s quite a comedown from those easy years in the bedroom.
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Hahahaha! The poor old cat probably had dementia and thought she was eating mice! Funny stories!
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Mother hated that cat. It hid under the wood stove and hooked her ankle every time she got too close.
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Hahahaha! That’s what cats do! LOL!
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Was I supposed to let you know when my book is available. Ecopy available on Kindle now. Hopefully, any day now paperback will be available there. Everything Smells Just Like Poke Salad. If you like, please do review.
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You have been gifted with a lot of “this can’t possibly be true” material.
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I should invite you to a reunion. It’s like a reality show. I could charge admission.
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LOL…. never boring with your family, Linda!
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Sometimes a little boring might be nice!
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LOL… I know what you mean!
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LOL. I love this.
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So glad!
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Mommas cookin chicken fried in bacon grease. Come on along boys it’s just down the road apiece. Yahooo!
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Has to be a song. I am on my way.
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Kind of makes you wish you’d married some of them Swain gals, don’t it!
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Oh my God !!! What a colourful bunch, animals and all 🙂
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Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.
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