Dear Auntie Linda, I have two girls, age seven and nine. Their father and I divorced amicably six years ago when he realized he was gay after several years of marriage and could no longer live the lie. He moved a couple of hours away and has the children summers and for the Thanksgiving holiday week. He and his partner share a home where the girls visit frequently. We are still close and he and his partner always spend Christmases with us so we can all celebrate together. I remarried four years ago and we all consider ourselves family. My parents, strict Christians, are livid and believe homosexuals are doomed to go to Hell. They refuse to have anything to do with Scott and Joey, his partner. My parents rant against Scott, saying he is a bad influence and the children shouldn’t be around him. I invited my parents to Christmas with the provision that they not talk or act in a way that would upset our family Christmas. They are insisting that the children “know the truth.” How do we handle this? We have never openly discussed homosexuality. One Big Family
Dear One Big Family, Children need love not contention. I congratulate you on keeping the girls best interests at heart. It is your business how you raise your children. We need to treasure our families, not draw lines. I am sure it was obvious to the children a long time ago “who loves who.” You parents are entitled to their beliefs, but don’t need to impose them on others. We don’t get to decide who and how others love. Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, Steve and I have been friends more than thirty years since we went to first grade together. He married Helen and we all remained good friends. Though I dated numerous women over the years, I never settled down. Last year, when Steve found out he was dying of cancer, he asked me to look after Helen since she’d need help to run their large cattle operation. Helen is a wonderful woman. I love her and would like to marry her except for the fact that I’ve always wanted children of my own. Helen had a hysterectomy after her second boy was born. The kids are four and two. I love the boys dearly, but don’t know if I could ever be satisfied not having my own child. Helen knows how I feel and would be happy to adopt. Would I be wrong to go into a marriage if I am not sure? Hopeful but Worried
Dear Hopeful, Nobody is assured of happiness, even in an apparently perfect situation. You might marry someone else and still not have children. If you marry this woman you already love, you will have two, and there is always the chance to adopt. A baby is just a baby, no matter where it comes from. Auntie Linda
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