Dear Auntie Linda, I was out to dinner with a group of friends from work when John, an old boyfriend, spotted me and stopped by our table. We were a couple for a few months until I realized he was a narcissist and I realized I needed out. I don’t know why I ever went out with him to start with since he had three ex-wives and four children. We remained on vaguely friendly terms, so I wasn’t surprised he stopped off speak to me. me. Part of the reason we broke up was because I found out he cheated with old girlfriends the whole time I thought we were in a committed relationship. That, and the fact the he became more critical and more manipulative the whole time we were together. I am now happily married with a new baby., now, and want nothing to do with him. One of our group posted a picture with names of everyone in our party.
When I came back from three months maternity leave, Jody, one of my office mates was excited to tell me that John messaged her after seeing her on Facebook. John has moved in with her, and they plan to marry right away. She was over the moon with joy. “John treats me like a princess. John is crazy about my kids. We go out to dinner every night. He wants to get married right away and have a baby.” She is a friend as well as co worker. I feel awful for her. She is smitten. This is John’s pattern, as I sadly learned.
I was very non-commital, but am torn over what, if anything, I should say to her. I don’t want her to think I am still interested in John. On one hand, I like Jody and work in the office next to her. She knows John and I were a couple and has asked a few questions. I don’t want to go into our history, but feel sure she is headed for trouble. I dread having to see it firsthand, especially at work on a daily basis. Should I try to tip her off or just let the chips fall? Been There
Dear Been There, If Jody asks for advice, there’s no reason you shouldn’t give generic advice like, “I always encourage people to take the time to get to know their fiancé well before jumping in with both feet.” Chances are, she’s made up her mind. Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, my husband and I are retired. We both worked hard and split the chores while we worked. I did most of the housekeeping, cooking, and laundry. He did the mowing, car care, and bill-paying. Since we retired, I work outdoors a lot, because I enjoy it, still cook two meals a day, and do all the household chores. The problem is, I spend a lot more time working now that he does. He doesn’t want to pick up any household chores or pay for cleaning help, even though we can easily afford it. How do we settle this? Katie the Cleaning Lady
Dear Katie, Is your husband inclined to be fair in general? Sounds like he doesn’t want to give up a good deal. It depends on whether you are willing to do. If he is unwilling to do some swapping, let him eat whatever he wants to fix for dinner and leave his laundry. Cold cereal, peanut butter, baloney sandwiches and canned soup are way cheaper than big meals. You could save grocery money and pay cleaning help. If he is not interested in change, it’s up to you. Let some stuff go. Auntie Linda