Drunk Jokes

The drunk was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk” The drunk asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.” Obviously relieved, the wino said “That’s a relief – I thought I was a cripple.”

Dad was trying to teach Sonny the perils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. “All right, son.” asked Dad, “what does that show you?” “Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.”