Hair of the Dog

My son is gifted in the hair department with more growth in his eyebrows than most men have on his head.  I can’t wait for the ear hair to start.

Anyway, he didn’t know his sister’s phone number had changed and he sent her this photo of his beard progress along with several other outrageous texts last week.  Some poor state worker  who was assigned her old phone must has thought the Devil was stalking them.  They may have even turned over a new leaf and gone to church today.

 

Hiss in the Dark

Late one night, my son was in the garage unlocking the back door without turning the light on. He heard the cat eating, so reached down to pet her.  He was rewarded with a horrible hiss.  Flipping the light on, he found he’d disturbed a mother possom, with numerous babies on board, dining at the cat’s bowl.  Snatching his hand backhe found it nasty and greasy.  It appeared the possom was still filthy from feeding on roadkill.  He insisted, though he washed over and over, he couldn’t get the odor off.  Oh, the babies hissed,too.

Where in the Hell Did He Hear That”

Both of my kids talked early.  That can be a curse.  When my son was about twenty months old, we’d been pursuing mice in our house.  He never got there in time to see them.  One wonderful day, he found one that had fallen and drowned in the commode.  He came ripping out to share the thrilling news, then made the following remark, “I’ve been wanting to see a mouse for many years, and finally found one in the bammode.(commode)  That son of a bitch!”

Super Pooper

We had guests  My husband and I were in the kitchen getting coffee and dessert when we heard the couple laughing loudly.  We hurried back in the living room  to find our ten year-old-son had decided to pull a stunt. On a dare, he’d come walking out in front of the guests clad only in his briefs and socks.  He was a big kid, way beyond the point  to expect this.

Shocked, his dad spouted, “”Boy, are you nuts?  Go get your clothes on!”

As he turned to go, he waddled.  The woman exclaimed “Oh my God!”  He had packed a gargantuan lump of Playdoh  (afterwards known as Play Dooky) in the back of his briefs.  It looked liked he’d been holding it for about a week.   Then he reached back and pulled it out to show us, like a prize.  If I’d been offered retro-active birth control, he’d have disappeared then and there.