Freedom of Expression

big mouthWe enjoyed considerable freedom of expression  when we were kids, as long as we felt like saying, “Yes, Ma’am. No Ma’am. Yes Sir, How high Sir?  May I be excused?  and God is great, God is good, Pass the beans.  Amen.”

The quickest way to get in trouble was to open my big mouth and ask questions or God Forbid, tell family business.  Telling Family Business assured swift and terrible punishment., like the time I told my Sunday School Class Phyllis was born June 20 and my parents got married June 29.  Mother was furious.  I couldn’t see any problem with that.  Both facts were true.  It mattered not at all to me that Mother wanted all the church ladies to be very clear on the fact that she’d been married nearly a full year before Phyllis came along.  Things like that really mattered back in the 1950’s.  Now folks are impressed if Mama and Daddy just get married.

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Knot on Head

imageI used to moonlight at an urgent care clinic.  Mother called me at my regular RN job one day to complain of an earache.  Like I always do when people ask advice, I recommended she see a doctor. She decided to go to the urgent care clinic where I sometimes worked.  I called to speak to my friend, Judy, who was working that day.  I asked her to surprise Mother by telling her she had to have a full internal pelvic exam.  She knew Mother, and was delighted to pull a little trick on her.  Sure enough, she showed Mother to the OB/GYN exam room, telling her to prepare Continue reading

Joke

Pointing finterTraveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, “Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town.” The old man says, “We’re from Nebraska.” Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, “What did he say, papa?” The old man answers her, “He asked us where we are from.” “Oh,” replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that’s all done, the attendant tells the old man, “You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Nebraska.” The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, “What did he say, papa?” The husband replies, “He thinks he knows you, mama.”

Sunday snickers

Reblog

Just Cruisin 2

Revenge edition

st_peter

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed
monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her
nose into other people’s business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-
curricular activities, but feared her enough to
maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused
George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after
she saw his old pickup parked in front of the
town’s only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George and several others
that everyone seeing it there would know what he
was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a
moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t
explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his
pickup in front of Mildred’s house… and left it
there all night.
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Joke of the Day

genie cartoonJoke- 3 Wishes!

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers she found a little lamp. She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when “POOF” out popped Genie.

“I will grant you three wishes” proclaimed the Genie.

The woman thought for a moment and said.

“I wish I was the most beautiful 20 year old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around.”

The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp.

The woman looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful. She was surrounded with scads of money in Large Bills.

She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her. She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash.

Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood. There in the feline’s place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiseled features, a washboard stomach, broad shoulders, and a soccer-players-tush.

She walked over to him, he put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly,

“Now, aren’t you sorry that you had me neutered?”
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“I Wish I Had Left Whiskey Alone!”

Letter from Jail p1,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letter from Jail p20070

 

I was delighted when a beloved niece made this family letter available to me.  An unfortunate gentlemen friend of Helen’s had become entangled with the law and needed her help.  According to family stories, she held influence with many judges, lawyers, and business men, since she ran a quite well-patronized house of ill-repute and had become quite wealthy as a bootlegger.  I don’t know how this gentleman’s difficulties worked out, but it is apparent for the moment, he regretted his involvement with whiskey.  Sad, sad story.  I hope his sweet Helen was able to assist him!