Joe took his monkey into a bar. Not surprisingly, it went wild, jumping behind the bar, grabbing the snacks, before finally jumping to the pool table, and interrupting the game by swallowing the pool ball.
The bartender was furious. “Man, control your animal!”
“So sorry, I’ll pay all the damages!” With this, he grabbed his monkey, paid the damages, and left.
Unbelievably, in less than two weeks he was back again and turned the monkey loose, just like before. Again, it went wild, tearing the place apart, snacks all over the place, glasswear smashed. The monkey broke a jar of maraschino cherries, popped one up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it.
“Man are you crazy bringing that idiotic monkey back in here? Didn’t you learn anything at all last time?” yelled the barman.
“Take it easy!” said Joe. “We’ve been working on this. He ain’t so dumb. He still goes wild and tears up the place and eats whatever he wants, but now he measures it first.”
I saw this plant in Haddonfield, New Jersey. Can you identify it? It was about five feet tall and covered in bumble bees.
Why are you yelling that?
A contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”
In the second room, she told him she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
He wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.