Not All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Michael and Jennifer went together all through high school.  She thought she knew him well, but after they’d been married a few months and bought their first house, he declared one room off-limits.  Jennifer wasn’t to go in there under any circumstances.  Naturally, the first day she was home alone, she managed to get in. Prepared to find a room full of porn, she was surprised to find pictures of feet posted over all the walls.

Not too long after that, Michael called Jennifer at work.  She needed to come take him to the ER for stitches.  He had dropped a knife while slicing a bagel and nearly severed a toe.  A few days after that, he approached Jennifer with a little request.  He had a fetish about amputations.  “Could he please, pretty please cut her arm off?  It could be the left one, the one she didn’t really need.  If she’d just let him cut her arm off, he’d carry her around on a cushion the rest of her life.”

That part about being carried around on a cushion for the rest of her life sounded kind of creepy.  It might be indicative of her future.  She wanted to leave, but he told her he’d never let her go.  She was terrified and trapped, as he watched her every move.  Soon he was focusing on her feet, making her put lotion on three or four times a day.  She was going crazy with fear, wondering how she was going to get out of this mess.

They were conducting some business at the bank one day when  a lovely young woman  with an above the knee amputation of her left leg arose from her desk and walked toward them, extending her hand.  Michael was mesmerized.  He couldn’t take his eyes off this perfect woman.  Pretty soon, much to her delight, Jennifer was history.  Michael ditched her for Miss Right.  As soon as he got get loose from Jennifer, they tied the knot.

Somewhat later later, he did tell Jennifer he might have been too hasty.  “Being married to a one-legged woman is not all it’s cracked up to be,”