Picasso’s Sneakers

My son got me again. He slipped his new school shoes out, getting them mud-caked the afternoon before the first day of fifth-grade classes.  I didn’t’the notice it until late in the afternoon. As we were indulging ourselves in poverty at the time, they were the only decent pair he had To wear to school.  Hurriedly, I threw them in the washer, then got ready to toss them in the dryer, thinking the day was saved.  The damned dryer died.  No matter. I’ve always felt appliances should be multifunctional.n I put the wet shoes on the middle rack of the oven, intending to turn it to two hundred degrees, set the timer for ten minutes, then turn it off.  Out of habit, I set it to three fifty.  Everything could still have worked out if the phone hadn’t rung just as I was about to set the timer.

I am a busy woman.  I went about my business until I simultaneously smelled rubber burning and heard the smoke detector go off.  Though the shoes didn’t actually catch fire, the soles were dripping between the wires of the oven rack as plastic burned on the oven bottom.  They looked like high-heels by Picasso. I tried to snatch the melting sneakers out of the oven, burning my hand.  Thinking I might get away just cutting off the drips, I got my butcher knife, prepared to do the deed, when I noticed the shoes had curled up like horseshoes.

There was nothing for it, but to make a flying trip to the shoe store for a second pair.  I vainly hoped I might make it back home before Bud got in from working late.  We did procure another pair of replacement shoes, in the exact style.  I still cherished the hope Bud would never have to know.  He can be unreasonable when I explain about why I tried to dry shoes in the oven.  Fortunately, for the sake of my soul, I didn’t have to lie.  Bud had gotten home, smelled burning shoe soles, and tracked the smell to the melted sneakers hidden in the trash.  I do hate a suspicious man!  He complained even more than when I put my rolls in the dishwasher to rise, since it was so warm and moist in there.  I’d always done that without problems till I forgot and turned it on before taking them out.  Like I said, appliances really should be multifunctional.