Dear Auntie Linda, Susie and I dated in high school, have both been married before, and have adult children. She’s the one who got away. When we married last year after her husband died, we lived six hundred miles apart. I am often on the road doing work in the oilfield, but get always get home every Thursday night and stay home till Monday morning. It was my understanding that Susie would sell her home and come to live with me as soon as she could sell her house and business. Initially, Susie and I spent two weekends a month together, one at her home, and one at mine. Susie was supposed to be putting her home and business up for sale. Since then, she has sold her business, but is making lots of excuses about why she can’t get her home up for sale. I still visit her one weekend a month, but she is becoming much more reluctant to come to my home, despite the fact that she no longer has a business to keep her busy. Sometimes her grandchildren need her, sometimes her dog has been digging out from under the fence, and once she had to go to a great-uncle’s funeral. I’ve been contributing to her budget since she sold her business, but I am losing my patience with her casual attitude toward our marriage. I do? Sidelined
Dear Sidelined, This is a good time to find out if Susie considers your marriage a priority. Sounds like she is feeling pretty casual about settling her affairs and sharing a life with you. You need to have a good long talk about your expectations and hers. You both have some decisions to make. Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, I am in love with a man who has shared custody of three children of thirteen, eleven, and ten. They make no secret of the fact that they actively dislike me, even though we didn’t meet until long after their parents split. He has asked me to marry him, but frankly, I don’t know that I can bear to take these children on. They are rude, disrespectful to me and him, and one of the girls even called the police, saying I had hit her, when I refused to give her money. Fortunately, my friend and the other children, as well as a neighbor’s child were there and said it was not true. I have tried to befriend the children, but have been insulted and ridiculed to my face. Joe says they will come to like me with time. I love him, but don’t see that his children will accept me. Is there hope? In Love
Dear In Love, There might be hope for this relationship, but I would want to feel there was some understanding or chink in these children’s resistance before I committed. It could happen, but there is a lot of hard work ahead. How much time are you willing to invest? Your beloved will have to support you and be strong enough to take on the burden of discipline. A step-parent who has to help support discipline in children this age has their work cut out for them. Good luck, should you decide to try. Auntie Linda