Ask Auntie Linda, October 21, 2015

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am twenty-one, the oldest of seven children.  I work as a checker in a supermarket and take college classes but still live at home to help take care of my mother who is diabetic, on dialysis, and blind. My two sisters also work, go to college and share the responsibility with me.  I have four brothers under fourteen..  I know my mother won’t live much longer.  My father is an alcoholic and was physically abusive to the entire family as long as he was able.  He has cirrhosis of the liver and he rarely gets out of bed. He may go before my mother. I don’t expect either of them to live long and frankly, it will be a relief to have my father gone.  I am worried what will happen to my brothers when my parents die, but don’t want to worry my mother by talking about this.  At twenty-one, am I old enough to get custody of my brothers?  I don’t want them to go into the foster care system.  My sisters and I are anxious to keep them together.  We have been caring for them and my parents for a couple of years already.  Who do I talk to and where do I start?  Sister

Dear Sister, At twenty-one, you are a responsible adult.  Talk to the social worker at your mothers dialysis clinic.  She should be able to help you, and will know how to talk to you mother.  Your brothers should be eligible for social security benefits when the time comes.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  The women I work with are terrible gossips.  They zone in on whoever happens to be off that day, dissecting their weight, looks, family situations and work habits.  They rotate around till they get everybody.  I don’t join in, but know my reserve makes me a target.  I either act like I don’t hear or change the subject when they try to engage me.  I am becoming more of an outsider every day.    How do you avoid gossip without becoming a target?  Quiet One

Dear Quiet, You are right not to get involved.  What you don’t say won’t be repeated.  People will gossip as they please, but at least you won’t get your tail in a crack.  They probably think you are a snob, but you have other places to socialize.  Auntie Linda