Ask Auntie Linda, October 27, 2015

Dear Auntie Linda, I am a senior in high school, the oldest of eight children, the youngest a set of three-year-old twins.  Mom is pregnant again.  I come from a very eligious family and have always had to help take care of my younger brothers and sisters and help mom in the house.  I never got to take part in sports or any extra-curricular activities because Mom said she couldn’t do without me.  I won an engineering scholarship to a university out of state.  It has always been my dream to be an engineer.  My parents say I cannot go off to college with the new baby coming.  I need to take classes at the community college since I am needed more than ever.  I love my parents but don’t feel this is my responsibility.  Would I be wrong to defy them and go on.? What do I do?  Honor thy father and mother.

Dear Honor.  It is good that you have been helpful as long as you have.  One child’s well-being should not be more important than another.  The children are your parent’s responsibility, not yours.  You need to make a life for yourself and let your parents be responsible for their own children.  They may get mad, but they have leaned on you long enough.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I had no idea my wife was having an affair.  Tragically, she died after giving birth.  The baby Is obviously biracial.  The DNA test shows I am not the biological father.  I have no idea who the father is.  Our four-year-old daughter is devastated at the loss of her mother and in love with the new sister she had been so looking forward to.  I am still reeling with shock at my wife’s sudden death and now the knowledge of her betrayal.  I don’t feel I can snatch this baby out of my daughter’s life, too.  My wife’s sister wants to adopt the baby, but lives in another state.    Legally, the baby is mine.  My parents live just around the corner.  I will need help should I keep the baby, but they want nothing to do with it.  What would be best for both girls?  Need help.

Dear Needs Help.  A baby is just a baby.  You don’t owe anyone explanations about the child’s parentage.  There are many single parents raising children.  Examine your heart and make your decision based on the needs of you and your daughter(s). This is your daughter’s sister.  Your parents feelings aren’t the issue. Auntie Lnda

Evening Chuckle

A man left work one afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” He replied, “That would be fine with me.” Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, “Charlie, did you take any of the offering?” This time, Charlie replied, “I can’t hear you.” The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, “I can’t hear you.” Finally, the priest yelled, “Charlie, did you take any of the offering?” Again, the reply was, “I can’t hear you.” The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, “Trade places with me and you can ask me a question.” So, they traded places and Charlie asked, “Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?” To which the priest replied, “By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!”
There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, “Well… what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?” “Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees,” he bragged and took another sip of beer. His friends were amazed! “What happened then?” they asked, almost in unison.” “Well, then she said, “Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!” he admitted.

A man went to a pet shop and spoke to the owner. “Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don’t want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different.” The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. “Really?” says the man “How much?” The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50. Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home. On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, “Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?” The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later. An hour later he opens the match box and says “Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?” The centipede again says nothing. Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn’t talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund. An hour later the man opens the match box and says “Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?” The centipede says “I heard you the first time you moron! I’m putting my shoes on!”

Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer enquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” And the interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A Day With Erika Kind and Nutsrok

Erika and I are having a wonderful visit.  Here you can see her at lunch with my mom, Kathleen Swain and my sister Phyllis Barrington of Anchors and Butterflies

We picnicked at Bodcau Dam then Visited an old homestead.

We took a ramble down a nature trail in the forest.  Above, see Kathleen Swain and Erika Kind.  Below, I got an excellent shot of Mother scrambling over a log that had fallen on the path.  Erika wanted me to help Mother over and I told her I would as soon as I got this picture.  I can help Mother anytime, but I might not ever get good pictures like this again.  She made it just fine.   We disturbed a spider’s lunch and saw some beautiful things.

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Cats Being Cats

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Joke of the Day

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

Blonde Cookbook!

MONDAY: The recipe for today is angel food cake. You have to beat 12 eggs separately, so I’m lucky the neighbors had some extra bowls to let me borrow.

TUESDAY: Fruit salad supper, serve without dressing. I didn’t get dressed at all, as per recipe, and what a surprise when my boyfriend brought his friends home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: Rice pilaf, wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. I took a good bath and washed very thoroughly, even between my toes. The taste of the rice was same as last time for some reason, so washing doesn’t seem to help.

THURSDAY: New salad recipe for a change. Prepare ingredients by laying a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. I was rolling around in the garden laying on the lettuce heads for one hour and then I got sunburned.

FRIDAY: Being Friday, it’s great to try some treats, so today it’s time to make cookies. The recipe calls for placing the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. I beat it to the grocery store to pick up some more milk, came back, but nothing happened to the ingredients I placed in the bowl. I ended up throwing the whole thing out, what a waste.

SATURDAY: My boyfriend’s parents came to our house and stayed for dinner. I wanted to serve roast but we only had hamburgers in the freezer. I put the hamburgers in the oven, and set the dial to roast. Unfortunately, the taste was still almost exactly like hamburger, just a bit roasted.

This has been a great time cooking and I’m having a lot of fun. I can’t wait until we buy a new and much bigger oven, because I want to surprise my boyfriend with chocolate mousse.

Why are the two blondes on the motorcycle arguing about? Who gets the window seat.

Joke of the Day/Funny Things Kids Say