Day: October 23, 2015

My Condolences

imageOne of the hardest parts of  being a nurse is comforting and supporting the bereaved family at the time of death.  Normally, family members are heartbroken, grieving at the death.  On a few occasions, I witnessed something different.  Mr. Jones, an elderly patient owned a successful insurance agency. Every morning, he donned freshly laundered silk pajamas.  When discharged,  He wore a fine finest suit, shirt, shoes, and hat and took great pride in being noticed.  He bragged of buying a new Cadillac every year, dining at the most prestigious restaurants, and enjoying a membership at The Country Club.

His son, Junior Jones was in his late fifties and had always worked for Daddy.  It appeared Mr. Jones was none to generous nor kind to Junior.  Junior dressed in cheap clothes and drove an ancient compact car.  It must have been miserable since he was so tall he had to fold up like a jackknife to fit in it.  When Junior came to the hospital to consult with Daddy about the business, Daddy was condescending, snide, and critical, never showing Junior the least respect.

One the morning Daddy died, we’d called to notify Junior his father’s death appeared imminent.  Junior came streaking into his father’s room just moments before Mr. Jones’ death.  I offered my condolences.  Junior ignored me, opened the drawer of the bedside table, dug out the keys to his father’s Cadillac, his father’s checkbook and left the room without speaking.  A nursing assistant who was a friend of the family walked him out to the parking garage.  He handed her the keys to his small car and drove off in his father’s big, black Cadillac.  That was different!  I guess he’d had enough.

Evening Chuckle

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9.  You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8.  You ask for high fiber candy only.

7.  When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your Balance and fall over.

6.  People say: ‘Great Boris Karloff Mask,’
And you’re not wearing a mask.

5.  When the door opens you yell, ‘Trick or…’
And can’t remember the rest.

4.  By the end of the night,
you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3.  You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2.  You’re the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating…
*
*
*
1.  You keep having to go home to pee.

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway

Ask Auntie Linda, October 23, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband hired his out-of-work cousin to paint our kitchen.  He seemed like a nice guy, but my engagement ring disappeared from its hook in the kitchen window while he was there.  I didn’t notice it for several days.  About six months later, we saw Curtis and his very pregnant bride at a relative’s home.  She proudly showed off her engagement ring.  It was my missing ring, a small diamond flanked by rubies on either side.  I admired her ring and congratulated her on her pregnancy, not wanting to cause a  problem for an innocent young girl who already had a full plate.  I told my husband.  He went back and talked to Curtis alone, giving him a chance to get the ring back to me.  Sadly, within days, Jenny delivered a baby with a serious heart problem.  It only lived about a month.  We decided to let the situation go in view of their much bigger problems.  I still wish I had my ring back.  My husband told Curtis later not to worry about the ring to avoid more problems for his wife who was already grieving.  Curtis thinks the baby was taken as God’s Justice, for his theft.  My husband assured him God wouldn’t have punished a child.  Was there a better way to handle this? Lost Ring

Dear Ring,  You and your husband showed great compassion to a young couple facing many challenges.  You must be good people. The loss of the ring can’t compare to the terrible grief of losing a child. Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My neighbor’s four-year-old son reached over and fondled my eighteen-month-old son’s privates while I was putting on his swim-diaper, saying, “I know how to make him feel good.”  This sounds like inappropriate sexual behavior to me.  What should I do?  Worried

Dear Worried, Be sure to tell the child’s mother what you saw.  She needs to be aware of the situation.  It sounds inappropriate to me, too, but ask your pediatrician for guidance.  He/she should be able to give you a better answer. Should it be determined this is indeed inappropriate, it is your responsibility to report it to Child Protection for investigation.  Auntie Linda

Joke of the Day

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A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. “Listen,” says the doc, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.” Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!” “Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.” “By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a REALLY nice house

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Man 1: Haircut? Man 2: Yeah.

Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.” The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?” “Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.” “Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector. “Thought he was having his picture taken.

This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 …please advise.” So the old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap…”